Bye Bye Bullet

I've written many times about my mom's minivan. But just in case you have missed out, here are the highlights....

It's a 1999 (I was in the 8th grade when we got this baby!)
It's silver and always dirty.
Over the years it's acquired many dings and scratches. My mom loved to "bump" the car's hood against the wall of the garage, and let's just say that when learning to drive, I wasn't the best at avoiding the brush and shrubbery that lines our super long driveway!)

A little summary of where the "Silver bullet" has been:
Back and fourth to Virginia 4x;
Back and fourth to D.C. at least 2x;
To and from Philly well over 10x;
Plus back and fourth to NY at least 5 or 6x!
And those are only the longer trips. My mom hauled us kids all over the state, New England, and of course around town.

The car has had it's fair share of issues...
There was the leak that flooded the drivers side floor,
the broken drivers side electric window,
the broken ash tray/cup holder from an over excited dog slamming his paws onto it,
the short circuited dash board,
the radio that wouldn't seek the channels,
the CD player that would over heat after 2 songs,
the broken rear electric widows (hello cold draft in the winter!), the broken windshield wipers in the hurricane and their consequential backwards installation causing them to stall in the up, not down position,
the tail lights that all blinked when you stepped on the brake,
and the spastic spare tire that always rattled a little tune under neath the car.

Was I embarrassed by this car? You betcha! But then again, I proudly rocked the minivan my sophomore year, before I got my own car. Do you know what I concluded that spring/summer? Cops don't pull over soccer mom's driving minivans!

We always gave my mom shit and called her car the 'traveling trash can', but she really didn't deserve that. After all, my dad wouldn't be caught dead carting around the dog, the soccer team, groceries, gardening items, etc in the back of his new SUV. So the bullet picked up the slack.

My mom had said that she would drive that baby into the ground. I always assumed that my mom and dad would be driving that car when they drop my sister off at college in the fall of 2010;however,I guess I was wrong.

Today I got that phone call.... that my parents are breaking down and laying the bullet to rest. My mother's tone, made me worry at first that something was (seriously) wrong, but I should have known.
So what happened to spur this whole new car idea? That leak that caused the short circuit is back and the cost to fix it is the same as the car's value (pending nothing else shits the bed). Plus now the airbags had to be turned off and your can't use the air conditioner. (You all know, or do now, that my mom is getting to that lovelyt age of menopause. For her, A car without AC is like a sundae without a cherry!)

I'm still sort of in shock, after all htat car has been a part of my life for the past 10 years!

They're nor sure what they're going to buy, probably something fuel efficient and not at all luxurious, but no matter what they choose, it will never have the character, or the memories of the Silver Bullet.

RIP pal, It's been real.

Preparation

I guess I worked straight through last week and completely missed getting my FFOF answers together, whoops! Anyways, here are this week's answers. Pop on over to Valmg's blog and see what others are writing about...

#1. Egg salad or deviled eggs. How do you prepare?
Hard boil eggs, allow to cool, remove shell, coarsly chop, add Nasoya, finely chopped celery and carrots, salt and pepper.

#2. French fries. Do you make homemade or frozen?
Homemade. I love to make baked sweet potato fries.

#3. Gravy. What do you use - homemade, jar, can or from a package?
For the rare occastion that I need it, I make it from scratch with the pan juices.

#4. Share a recipe for a hot (temperature, not spice) dish.
Green Curry Tofu from WholeFoods
Serves 4 to 6
Take advantage of summer’s fresh herbs and make a homemade green curry with chiles, mint and cilantro bound together with coconut milk. Serve this curry over steamed basmati or brown rice instead of noodles, if desired.

Ingredients
1 (14-ounce) package extra-firm tofu, drained
2 tablespoons flour
6 tablespoons canola oil
Salt and pepper to taste
1 small head broccoli, cut into florets
1/4 pound green beans, trimmed
1/2 bunch cilantro, stems removed
1/2 bunch mint, stems removed
1/2 bunch basil, stems removed
1 (14-ounce) can light coconut milk
2 Thai chiles, seeded and roughly chopped
1 (1-inch) piece ginger, peeled
1 (1-inch) piece lemongrass, peeled
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 (15-ounce) can baby corn, drained and rinsed
6 button mushrooms, sliced
7 ounces “pad thai” style rice noodles, cooked according to package instructions
3 green onions, thinly sliced
Lime wedges

Method
Arrange tofu between several layers of paper towels on a large plate. Using the palm of your hand, press down gently to remove as much liquid as possible from the tofu. Change out the paper towels and repeat a second time. Cut tofu into 1½-inch cubes and toss gently in a bowl with flour. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Shake excess flour off of tofu then carefully transfer to skillet. Fry tofu, turning occasionally, until golden brown all over, 5 to 6 minutes total. Transfer to a paper towel-lined plate and set aside.

Bring a large pot of salted water to a bowl. Add broccoli and cook until just tender, 2 to 3 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer broccoli to a bowl of ice water until chilled then drain well. Repeat process with green beans; set aside.

Put cilantro, mint, basil, coconut milk, chiles, ginger, lemongrass, sugar and ½ cup water into a blender and puree until smooth. Transfer to a large skillet and bring to a simmer over medium heat; season with salt and pepper. Add corn, broccoli, green beans, mushrooms and tofu and cook just until warmed through, about 2 minutes. Divide noodles between bowls and top with curry, tofu and vegetables. Garnish with green onions and lime wedges.

Easy as ABC

Looking back over my last post I realized that I posted the unedited version. I'm mortified that all the spelling and grammar errors were present. Sorry about that folks.

Love 'Em, Don't Leave 'Em

I took report on my patient tonight and my heart sank.

80% burns, self inflicted.

He didn't feel loved, so instead he doused himself in lighter fluid and struck a match. If I have learned anything in the last 13 months, it's that suicide by fire is a long, painful, and not usually successful (initially). Instead, the patient waits until their body sucomes sepsis.

He's got a machine breathing for him.
His blood pressure is dependant on high doses of medication.
He requires continuous sedation of fentanyl and ativan.
His skin has been excised and cadaver skin is temporarily grafted onto his body.

Why did he do it? He's not awake to tell us. But we did learn from his friend that he recently came out of the closet...it wasn't well received. His family couldn't accept his way of life. He had failed- in their minds, to be the masculine ideal people hold on a pedestal. His family turned their back on him and now they risk loosing him. They couldn't see their son for all that he was. They were blinded by the gender issue.

I watched them sit at his bedside today, tears flowing. I heard them say, "I just don't get why he'd do this to us." I had to try hard to bite my tongue. They truly believed that their son did this to spite them, never considering that maybe it was his cry for help and longing for love.

And now I ask you all to do this. Love your kids for who they are, no what you think they should be. Let them live. Let the little girls play with cars and roll around in the dirt. Let the little boys play with the kitchen sets and put on dress up clothes. Cherish the time you have with them.

guilty as charged

Tonight is Wednesday night dinner club and I need to bring dessert. I found a recipe that I created a few summers ago...bread pudding with apples, raisins, and cinnamon. It comes out best with day old bread, but since I've worked the last 5 nights my mind really hadn't planed ahead.


So today, after having been awake for 28 hours I made my way to Agata and Valentina to peruse their fresh breads. I love this store because they have little samples of all the breads and cheeses so you know what you are getting, I picked out a crusty raisin walnut bread that was just perfect...my mouth watered as I thought about dessert. I asked the lady how much it was and she said (in her thick foreign accent) that it comes in mini loaves and they are "Two fiftty." I was shocked that they were so cheap, but I put up 2 fingers, said "Two?" and she nodded. She gave me the package and I put it in my basket. I grabbed a few gala apples and got in the line...the LONG line.

I waited 12 minutes.

The cashier rings up the two items. "Twenty six, thirty five."
WHAT?!
She repeated herself slowly, speaking to me as if I were mentally challenged. I asked her how much the bread was and she said, "Twelve fifty. AND you have two of them."
UNh, uh. No No No. I wanted 1 loaf for "Two fifty." I stood there for a second, and sighed. A $25.00 dessert? I think not. I'm sure I could buy something premade for that cost.

But I didn't want to look cheap. This IS the Upper East Side of Manhattan...

And then it came to me. I don't know why I said it, but I blurted out, "Shit! I don't have my wallet. And I just waited in this line...I'm running too late to go home and come back."

I looked at the lady, gave her my best, "Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed face", apologized, and walked out of the store empty handed.

Barely out the door, the hugest grin came across my face and I started laughing. I don;t know how that idea came to me and/or where it came from. So unlike me.

I walked down the block and into the bakery. I picked up 5 jumbo gourmet cupcakes, paid $12.00, and left.

And on that note, I'm off to dinner.

in need of a good read

I'm a bit stingy when it comes to spending money on things like books. It kills me to pay $25.00 for a hardcover when I know in 3 months that it will go to paperback and only cost between $9-$14. If the wait list for the new books at the library wasn't months long, I'd march right over to the New York public library and check the books out there.

Over the last few years I've taken to going to the "bargain book" section at Barnes&Noble and picking up a few seemingly good reads. It's largely hit or miss, but I have managed to snag a few good ones. For all you history buffs, I highly recommends "On Hitler's Mountain" by Irmgard Hunt. The beginning is slow, but the overall concept and insight into Nazi Germany is intriguing.

So, now, I'm asking a favor...

Does anyone have any good suggestions on some good reads? And/or how I can get exposed to some books aside from the best sellers that are a drain on my bank account?

thankyouverymuch

All About Potatoes

Here are this week’s four questions. They’re about potatoes. Check out the FFOF Meme

#1. Potato Chips. What kind of chips are your favorite?
I'm not much of chip girl, butif forced to choose, I'd say baked lays BBQ

#2. What’s your favorite thing to dip chips in?
All about the spinach and artichoke dip- I love it on fresh veggies

#3. What’s your favorite way to eat a baked potato?
With a very crispy skin and salsa

#4. How do you make mashed potatoes?

boiled, cubed yukon gold potatoes
skim milk
lowfat cream cheese
salt, pepper, garlic salt, fresh chives

to sleep per chance to dream

it's 4:49 in the AM, I'm not at work, and I'm WIDE awake. I went out with G, we came back home, he left, I went to bed, and I tossed and turned and tossed and turned and tossed and turned. This saga began at 12:50. In the last 4 hours I've...
*watched 2 episodes of without a trace,
*self medicated with benadryl
*read the last 2 issues of Bon Appetit Magazine,
*worked out my budget for the upcoming months without a calculator,
*drank 3 bottles of water,
*ate 5 almonds,
*got up to pee 3 times (maybe I shouldn't have had the water?),
*turned my AC down to 67,
*counted backwards from 100 (5) times,
*organized my bookshelf,
and,
*text messaged my friends that i was annoyed to be wide awake (payback for all their phone calls when I'm trying to sleep during the day).

Ugh. If I don't fall asleep in the next 11 minutes, I say screw it. I'm getting up, getting dressed, and going to the gym.

So just in case you see me out, I'm not ignoring you, I'm just exhausted.

with grace

my arms hurt.
my back hurts.
my neck is cricked.
I had a long night.
no! Get your mind out of the gutter.
we coded a patient (for an hour) twice.
i may be small, but i'm certainly mighty.
i broke ribs.

maxed out on levo, dopa, dobutamine,and epi, we never got her back from asystole.
she didn't make it.

RIP

hip hip horray (literally)

It's been 13 weeks since the injury occurred. I've been going crazy. Even though I've been allowed to resume my usual activities, the running wasn' happening. It was painful. It's been 2 weeks since I was cleared, and I've only logged 4 miles. Ehhh.
However, today I had a surprise brunch with GI Greg (my trainer) who's home for the weekend from training. We were talking and I just had a good feeling. So after our brunch, I laced up my sneakers and hit the gym to run. And run I did. 5 1/2 miles @ an 8:15 pace. Far from my previous pace, but still not awful. When my workout was over I felt like a wight had been lifted off my shoulders. I hope today wasn't just a fluke, and that I'm finally on my way.

Olympic Edition FFOF

Valmg's FFOF questions were inspired by the Olympics this week. See what everyone is blogging about here:

#1. What do you drink to rehydrate in the heat or after working out?
When working out I drink water. Post workout I drink Powerade ZERO and/or crystal light.

#2. What do you eat to help boost or create energy?
Before my runs I eat 1/2 banana with 1 TB Better'n'Peanut Butter

#3. What’s the healthiest snack you eat?
I love carrots and hummus or an apple with almond butter.

#4. Share a recipe or instructions for your ideal three course meal.
Normally I would insert a very detailed descritpion here, but since I'm on my 3rd overtime shift this week, my brain isn't up to par. Here's my suggestion: menupages.com.

I Should Get Paid for This

Even before I knew ANYTHING about being a nurse (i.e. NSO during freshman orientation) I got asked silly nurse questions. Not going to lie, I had no clue when I answered these questions...

"Am I going to die from drinking this Jungle Juice?"
IF you die, so will the thousand other people drinking from this barrel. Fill 'er up

"Can I drink and take Tylenol/antibiotics/birth control"
I'd skip the Tylenol, but if you are going to drink and want to avoid an "accident" I'd go with the birth control

"Will I get herpes from sitting on the toilet in the dorms?".
No greater chance of getting it from the toilet seat than from that sketchy frat boy you hooked up with last night.

As the years passed, I grew more knowledgeable and was able to actually give some helpful advice. I have no problem when my friends come to me with "health questions", I always just hope I have an answer. I guess in a way it makes them feel better, even if I just tell them what they already know (i.e. "I'd say you need to go to the ER for an x-ray, the bone IS sticking out.")

Last week, Craig approached me with a nurse question. He pulled up his pant leg and said, "Do you think these are infected?" I swallowed hard as I looked at the welts on his legs, covered in green scabs with blanching red rings around them. Did I mention the edema in his leg and ankle.
(original image from wikipedia)
ME: "Craig! You are on your way to nasty case of cellulits. You need to go the doctor and get some antibiotics. We admit patients for cellulitis, you don't want it to go systemic."

Craig: "You mean I can't just take some Tylenol and put on some cream?"

ME: "Uh, has it worked yet?"

Craig: "No. Oh I guess you're right. I'll go to the doctor. Wait, I don't have a doctor here. Am I going to die?"

ME: "No, you just need to See a doctor. So go to the ER"

Craig: "But isn't that going to be a long wait?"

ME: "Well it's going to be a lot longer if you don't get it treated and have to get admitted to the hospital for a course of IV antibiotics."

Craig: "Okay, thanks nurse Kelly.I'll go"

ME: "Call me if you need anything. I'll check in with you later."

4 hours later

Craig: "Nurse Kelly. You were right. They checked me all out and gave me some antibiotics. Thanks."

ME: "No problem Craig. Feel better. See you tomorrow."

36 hours later, 8am
MY cell phone goes off, it rings again, and again. I hop out of bed, thinking something is truly wrong. It's Craig. I call him back.
"Hi Nurse Kelly. Did I wake you?"

ME: "Uhhm, well I guess I had to get up anyways."

Craig:"Good. Well, okay, so yeah like I started the antibiotics and my legs are looking better but now I have this hard lump under my belly button and it's red and kinda sore."

ME: "Is it itchy?"

Craig: "No, just hurts and looks gross. Do I have skin cancer?"

ME: "Take some benadryl, and Tylenol, and put a cool compress on it. If it's not better in the morning or is getting worse, go to the doctor."

Craig: "But Nurse Kelly, I don't have a doctor."

ME: "Well then, I guess you'll have to go to the ER (again). Have you thought about getting a doctor in the area? What is your insurance, I'll look into it for you."

Craig: "Do you think I can get in and out quick because I was just seen there? Like a preferred patient?"

ME: "Craig, we aren't talking about some luxury hotel chain, we are talking about a hospital. You (and your belly button ailments) will have to wait like everyone else. haha"

Craig: "Okay, guess you are right. I'll call you later."

ME: "Sounds good. Feel better and keep me updated."

I managed to dose back off for an hour or two, but it wasn't quite the restful sleep I was longing for. I kept dreaming about Craig's weird belly button issue. Just another day in the life of Nurse Kelly.

I made his day

Last night I had plans to go and see Pineapple Express with G, J, M, E, and others at 9 p.m. G was going to meet me before hand at 7:15 and then head out for drinks and meet up with the rest of the crew to see the movie. G's express train got stuck on the tracks, so he didn't get here until 8. No biggie.

We went to the Stumble Inn and got a quick drink. Of course, it was raining cats and dogs, so we copped out and took a cab to the theater. The cab ride was quick (from 76th to 32nd) and cheap ($7.10). I whipped out my wallet and handed the cabby a $10 and asked for a $1.00 back. G and I walked into the theater but didn't see any of our friends. G called them; they were already inside. Oh well, we waited in line to get tickets. Just as we were about to walk up to the counter, I looked up and saw SOLD OUT SHOWS: Pineapple Express 9:00. Ugh, okay. Now what? Oh well, could have been worse,. G called J and told him the situation, I think J felt bad, but we made the best of it. We bought tickets to the 10:15 show, went around the corner, got a few more drinks, and then came back to see the movie. I'm not complaining...after the last month of G's traveling and my work schedule, a little extra 1 on 1 time was fine with me.

The 10:15 show wasn't crowded at all, I guess everyone opted for the earlier viewing. We settled in and the movie rolled. Don't get me wring, there were a few good one liners, but for the most part the movie was a lot of violence and monotonous antics surrounding getting high and smoking weed pineapple express. The movie was LONG, well over 2 hours, but the company was good, so it all worked out. G and I came home, watched the Olympics and fell asleep only to be woken up by the alarm at 6:45 so G could make his early morning T time with the boys.

After he left, I fell back asleep until 10:30. After an amazing workout, I headed to St@rbucks for a soy milk latte (yum!). I pulled out my wallet to pay and did a double take. Where is the $20 that I took out of the ATM the day before? I see the $10, but the 20 is gonzo. Oh no I can't believe it. Yup, in my haste to pay the cabbie the night before, in the dark no less, I handed him the $20, for a $7.10 fare and only asked for $1.00 back. No wonder he pulled away so fast. Oh well, guess I made his day.

All about Appetizers

Here are this week’s four questions. This week they’re about appetizers. See what others are salivating over writing about here

#1. What is your favorite appetizer?
I love spinach and artichoke dip.

#2. Do you eat enough appetizers that you get full and can’t eat your meal?
No, we always get one to share with the table

#3. Do you usually make frozen or fresh appetizers?
I make them. I love the convenience of the premade or frozen, but they are so high in sodium and fat that I prefer to make my own.

#4. Share a recipe or instructions for an appetizer.
Yet again, from my wholefoods recipe stash...

Dried Fig, Brie and Rosemary Bites
Serves 4 to 6

8-12 large plump dried figs
2-3 ounces Brie, cut into small pieces
2 teaspoons extra virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon fresh rosemary leaves
sea salt, to taste
ground pepper, to taste
If the figs are very dry, plump them in boiling water for 5 to 10 minutes. Drain and cool them. Trim the stems and make a slit in the side of each fig. Push a piece of Brie into each fig. Place in a bowl and toss gently with olive oil, rosemary, salt and pepper. Serve at room temperature or heat in a 350°F oven until warm and cheese melts, about 8 minutes.

Metamorphosis

While working out in the gym today, I overheard a conversation that got me thinking. The conversation was about keeping a diary. Did/do you keep a diary? Growing up, I had a diary (yes one of those girlie ones with a "lock and key" that could easily be picked with a bobby pin). I wrote about lots of things, but I'm pretty sure most of it related to things about my friends, boys that I liked, things I maybe regretted doing, and/or things that I wanted to do. The preteen years were perfect for a dairy, a place to write about stuff and then guard it under lock and key.

As I got older, it sort of fell by the wayside, but I started scrap booking. My teenage years were captured on film and then later digital memory cards, but either way I had pictures to look back upon and recollect what was going on in my life. My teenage years were marked by milestones and things perfect for images (dances, proms, beach trips, vacations, cars/driving, parties, college visits, etc.) When it comes to socializing in the teenage years, a picture (for better or worse) really does say a thousand words.

When I arrived at college, I entered a whole new world. It was a time of firsts and milestones (much like my teen years) but similar to my preteen years, I was full of hopes and dreams and crushes on boys. (Oh how much I loved when the crew team ate in my building's dining hall and when the frat boys sat on their leathers couches along locust walk). Before I left for school, I bought a journal to write about my college years; however, I was so busy with school work socializing that I didn't have much time to write about anything [fun] (espescailly with my writing seminar from hell!) I took lots of pictures and they were plastered on Websh0ts and Faceb00k. Even more than being a way to capture memories they were a way to fill in the blackouts nights that lasted into the dawn.

As I began my senior year of college, this blog was born. I started feeling nostalgic and wanted to keep track of my thoughts and of things that couldn't be captured on film (mainly work and clinical experiences...HIPPA anyone?). However, I didn't dig that dusty journal out of storage, I chose to start blogging. I spent so much time on the computer, anyways, it just seemed like a practical idea...plus I was enamored with the idea of an audience. Like I've blogged about before, the content I blog about is varied, but I like it that way. I can talk about my hobbies, my personal life, my job, my friends, etc...the possibilities are endless.

I have but a few regrets with my choices over the years..
*I wish that I had more pictures from my preteen years because like Dan was just sooooo dreamy in the 6th grade
*I wish I had taken the time to write about some personal things in my late teens and early twenties because let's face it, some thigs weren't meant for public viewing and certainly weren't appropriate to be captured on film (the closet incident, the whip cream fiasco, the first time I had sex, the infamous taxi cab ride, etc). Okay, now that I've given you all TMI...
*I wish that I wasn't leery of sending this link to all of my friends. As much as I love them, there is a part of me who wants to keep this mine, or maybe I'm afraid of what they'd say.

But in the end, when I'm old and gray and my memory isn't what it is now, I'll have something to look back upon and remember who I was, what I did, and all that I aspire to do.

What about you? what made you start blogging? did it stem from a lifelong passion for writing or was it something that just seemed like a good idea at the time and now you're hooked?

what happens when you get septic

this is night #5 of a 7 consecutive shift stint with the sickest patient i've ever taken care of (I think).

some highlights of the clinical situation thus far:
*maxed out on dopamine, added levophed drip
*H/H =7.0 / 21.2...2 units PRBC transfused
*gram negative sepsis as seen in the blood stream and BAL...Aztreozam Abx therapy
*pre-renal failure (>10cc/hr for 15 hours) despite fluids going at 1000cc/hr
*patient CXR showing patchy infiltrates and fluid: patient not oxygenating or ventilating well
*SWAN Ganz inserted. Cardiac output > 13, Wedge high 20's, CVP 28-34.
*septic shock
*started on Xigris
*PTT > 150...xigris stopped...4 units FFP transfused
*ABG: 7.22/55/67/18...FiO2 on 100%...8 sets of ventialtor changes made
*8 liters of bed drainage per shift
*1 liter of diarrhea in 3 hours, C.Diff samples sent~positive growth...rectal tube inserted

stay tuned. 2 more nights to go.

My Road to Recovery

6/14: 13 mile run, followed by left groin pain. Iced it and popped an anti-inflammatory
6/15: Tried to run. OUT OF CONTROL pain. Cross trained instead. Taking Aleve RTC (round-the-clock)
6/16: Still couldn’t run. Decided to switch up my marathon training schedule and take off the week of 6/15-6/21 instead of 6/22-6/28
6/18: Now having pain without activity. Decide to try acupuncture-minor relief noted.
6/20: Acupuncture session #2. Again, short lasting relief.
6/22: Attempt to run. MISSION FAILED, the pain is excruciating. Cross training is boring as all hell. Emotionally distressed. Leave for Philly for a few days.
6/23: Cross train in the AM, minor discomfort. Go to playground with the boys and make the mistake of chasing after them. (Hey, what fun is hide-n-seek if you don’t chase them??). Pain sets in and doesn’t leave.
6/24: Wake up really stiff, unable to bend/squat to put on my sneakers. Cross training is now downgraded to Yoga and Pilates. Ugh! Decide that I need to be seen for this pain. I start a frantic search to find an sports medicine orthopedist who takes my insurance. By some miracle of god, I get an appointment with the guru on running injuries for the following day. Sad that my trip to Philly is over, but relieved to be getting my pain checked out.
6/25: Appointment Day! Before the MD even sees me, I’m sent for x-rays. Within 5 minutes of speaking to the MD, he’s 99% sure it’s a stress fracture on the neck of my femur, but only an MRI will confirm. Must get that scheduled. In the meantime, no running, no strenuous activity, “nothing that causes pain” (direct quote), and need to get fitted for orthodics.
6/26: Sweet! Get an MRI for 7pm tonight! Wow, that was a long 90 minutes.
6/27: Call to speak to the “Guru.” He can’t see me and he’s going away for the entire upcoming week. Next appointment I can get? 7/10.
6/27-7/10: Agony (emotional and physical). Waiting. Bitchyness.
7/10: Follow-up appointment. So the diagnosis surprises the doc and myself…it’s not a femur fracture, it’s a pelvic fracture! Which means: another month of no running, no cycling, no stairs, minimal extra walking; swimming pool here I come; PT 3x/week; a bone scan; and Tylenol (yup, Tylenol. Did you know that anti-inflammatories slow bone regeneration.)
7/11: Start PT. It’s brutal. Let my bosses know the test results and find out that I don’t qualify for medical leave because I haven’t been employed for a year (2 weeks short).
7/12: Make the emotional plunge back into the pool. Not as bad as I thought.
7/14: Start my 2 weeks of “desk duty” at work. ( QA , chart review, and protocol compliance)
7/17: Bone scan day.
7/18: Day without pain. WOW.
7/19: Climbed stairs without pain. Able to bridge on left leg (5 PT sessions in the making!)
7/20: No pain medication! Making progress.
7/21: Finally seeing definition in my quads and hammies again. Still really tight. Finding alternate ways to stetch, haha. No comment. Marks 5 weeks since initial injury.
7/25: Desk work completed. Will resume patient care next week.
7/26: No pain today. 70 minutes of cardio! Getting strong one day at a time.
7/28: Wore heels ALL day. First time out of flats in 6 weeks! No pain.
7/30: Fist night back at work taking care of patients.
8/2: Sqautted to check a foley catheter...ouch, that hurt.
8/3:Ran across the street to make a red light, NO PAIN! Alleluia!
8/4: Crossed my leg (horrible habit, I know). Holy moly! I've got a decent range of motion!
8/6: Begin my 7 night straight stretch.
8/8: 8 Week Follow Up! Bad News: I've got osteopenia. Good News: I'm CLEARED TO RUN AGAIN! PHILADELPHIA MARATHON 2K8 HERE I COME!

If I Could Tell You

Dear Family of Patient X,

I will not say that I know how you feel, because I don't.
I will not say that everything will be fine, because it won't.
I cannot promise anything,
I cannot control the actions of others.

I come here to do my job, and take the best care possible of your loved one. Please let me do that.

I know the beeping and chirping of the the monitors, ventilators, and pumps is bothersome, but they are they for the patients safety...please don't take it upon yourself to silence them. They go off for a reason.

When I explain that I need to step out of the room to get a 2nd RN to check the blood that needs to be transfused, that is not the time to scold me for a missing blanket. Your loved one has a 103 degree fever and surrounded by ice packs, a blanket is contraindicated. I've made sure that they are covered, discretion and modesty of course.

I know it's hard to digest all that is going on with your loved one, but they really are getting fed. They can't eat through their mouth, they are on a ventilator and sedated. See that little tube in their nose, connected to that pump with the hanging bag of that creamy liquid? That's their food, I promise. Please don't berate the dietary worker who delivers food when she skips your room. It's not her choosing.

My age really isn't important. I am fully capable of taking care of your loved one. If anything, the fact that I am new(er) makes me pay even more attention to detail because I'm still "by-the book". But if it gives you a piece of mind, I have a BSN from an Ivy League school where I graduated Magna Cum Laude. All of my ICU credentials and certifications are adequate and up to date and because I know you are still wondering, Reagan was president when I was born.

Yes, we do take a lot of xrays. No, we aren't trying to give your loved one cancer. They have fluid in their lungs and we need to see if our methods to remove it are working.

I know it seems like I'm sitting at the computer a lot, but Im completing all my charting and documentation. There's a lot of information that needs to be charted hourly (175 items, actaully). I swear I'm not checking out YouTube,

Visiting hours are 11am-7pm. I have alredy bent the rules by allowing you to be here until 8pm, please stop begging and pleading with me to let you stay longer. You know that you can call at any time, give me the password, and I'll update you. Yes, I still have your home number, cell number, work number, beeper number on the whiteboard, in the patient's chart, and on the computer system . I know how to use a phone, I'll get in contact with you if anything happens.

Like I said before, I come here to do my job and provide the best possible care. Monitors will alarm, pumps will beep, xrays will be taken, charting will be done.....

But here are some things that you may not be aware of:
I treat all my patients the way I would want my loved on treated. I talk to my patients, letting them know what I'm doing and/or what will happen, even when they are unconscious. I gently bathe them and perform hygenic care. I comb their hair and clean in their ears. I cream and powder them up so they smell fresh and clean and then when it's all said and done, I take their hand in mine, give it a little squeeze and tell them, "I'll pulling for ya. Don't put those boxing gloves away, the fights not over yet." I place their hand back at their side and continue about my night.

So now, dear family, as I send you on your way, please know that I may not have the same relationship with the patient as you do, but that's okay. You are their past and future, but I'm in on their present. I'm here for them, just like you. So let's work together to get them through this....one day, one minute, one breath at a time.

Sincerely,

Nurse Kelly

Banumpkins

(Banana Pumpkin Muffins) I just created them and they are so good.

1 ripe banana mashed
1/2 can pumpkin
1/4 c. applesauce
1/2 vanilla soymilk
1/2 c. packed brown sugar (I used turbinado)
1 egg

1 3/4 c. whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice

1 banana, quartered and chopped


mix all the wet ingredient together, sift in dry ingredients, add in banana chunks.

preheat oven to 375. Prepare a 12 muffin pan with non stick cooking spray. Fill cups 2/3 of the way. Bake 20 minutes. Enjoy!


chopped walnuts or pecans would be great in this recipe too. the natural sugars of the mashed ripe banana really mellow the strong pumpkin flavor.

Fly On the Wall

Going to the pool and gym yesterday was the first time I had left my apartment since arriving home from work Sunday morning. After my workout, I came home, showered, and put my pajamas back on. In dire need of doing laundry, I put on sweat pants (it was only 70 degrees but I had my AC cranked) and a big baggy t-shirt from college. Still exhausted from my 52+ hours of working in 4 days, I lounged around my apartment all afternoon. However ,around 9pm I suddenly foudn myself craving seltzer water. I gave up soda over a year ago and never crave it, but occasionally long for some fizz. I couldn't fight the urge, so I put down my book, got up off the couch, laced up my sneakers, and grabbed my purse. IT wasn't until I was outside and walked by a window that I stopped, checked myself out top tobottom, and burst out laughing. I looked absurd.
Bandanna headband with wildy curly hair
Baggy gray t-shirt (Penn Soccer), no bra of course!
Baggy gray sweatpants (not the same shade as tshirt) with SWIM on the butt (left overs from high school)
Fleece socks (I wear them as slippers)
My running sneakers
and one of my "going out" Kate Spade handbags (really cute, got this last week)

I whipped out my phone and called N to leave her a pictoral description of what her best friend was currently sporting out in public!

I prayed the the store wouldn't be crowded and that I wouldn't get picked up by some homeless bum thinking that he just found his sugar mama.

Oh well, that's what exhaustion will do to you.

Top Dog

"Charge nurse pick on 6xxxx"
"Can I speak to the charge nurse?"
"Have the charge nurse call the nursing supervisor."
"Ask the charge nurse if she can help you."
"See if the charge nurse will go speak to the disgruntled family in room X"
"Ask the charge nurse where XYZ is located."
"Tell the charge nurse that you found a discrepancy in the pixus system."
"If you don't like your assignment, speak to the charge nurse."
"Didn't get a meal break? Tell the charge nurse"
"Not enough nurses to take care of all the patients? Tell the charge nurse."
"Resident is MIA/not returning pages/being a jack ass! Tell the charge nurse"
"Couldn't obtain the blood work for labs that the docs ordered....tell the charge nurse"
"Patient just spiked a fever/vomited/pulled out central line/fell out of bed/stopped peeing/dropped his blood pressure... Tell the charge nurse"
"Patients trash needs to be emptied...tell the charge nurse housekeeping staff

Get a sense of where I am going with this entry?

It's a rule in the ICU that you can't be the charge nurse until you have been working on the unit at least a year, have all of your additional ICU credentials (ACLS/PALS), and aren't a complete pompous asshole, arrogant bitch unapproachable.

It's always suspenseful to come on shift and see the name of who will be charge. Some are FABULOUS and some are completely awful, unhelpful, lazy, and rude less than fabulous.

I never hesitate to ask the charge nurse a question and I always keep them updated on my patients conditions. AFter all, they can be a huge help if when shit hits the fan and/or you feel overwhelmed or frustrated. I'll admit it, I've asked a series of assaine questions; however, for the most part I try not to abuse the charge nurse...they have enough to handle.

So how surprised was I when my nurse manager approached me Friday night and told me that I would be orienting to charge nurse? Very surprised, especially since this was my first week back taking care of patients since fracturing my pelvis plus Friday was night #3 of a 4 night stretch.

When orienting to charge nurse, they pair you with a senior nurse who gives guidance and explains the ins and outs of the job. However, they largely let you fumble through the night and get your feet wet. I lucked out because my senior nurse was very experienced and helped me anticipate what might happen, but I still worked myself to the bone. During report from day shift, we were told that there was a pending transfer from an OSH of a circumferential arm burn. The resident still needed to sign off on the acceptance and decide what patient we could move off the unit to accept it, but the ball was in motion. Our night began when we got a call from the transfer center that we needed to accept a pediatric patient with bilateral palm scald burns from a hot iron. (That's 2 beds we need to free up). To accept the circumferential burn we needed to move someone out of the ICU onto step down. To accept the pediatric patient, we needed to transfer out an adult step down patient. Confused yet? Try being the one to coordinate all of this.

Just when I thought I had worked all of this out with the resident and admitting bed officer, a stretcher rolls onto the floor. WTF? Who is this patient? Oh, well this is the adult transfer....who we haven't accepted yet! We don't have a bed! Neither the resident or the nurse received report on this patient! this is going to get ugly. Not sure what to do, the patient was admitted into the system and kept in holding (sort of like an ER patient) until we could open up a bed. Eventually (3 hours later), crisis averted.
THEN
Patient in room XYZ decides to plug his ET tube and is sating 88%....STAT page respiratory and the resident,disconnect ventilator, bag the patient, deep lavage suction..............where is the resident? where is respiratory...........suction........bag patient.....suction.......COUGH!! Patient breathing again. Settle patient, reconnect ventilator, monitor vigilantly, send ABG in 30 minutes.
THEN
Patient in room ABC looses A-line (this is a problem as the patent's blood pressure is dependant on dopamine ). Page resident, take cuff pressures every 2 minutes, set up for new A-line. Anticipate that resident will fail miserably at inserting this Aline into this 3rd spacing fluid overloaded patient and page the night fellow. 15 minutes and 2 attempts later, fellow manages to inert a new line.
THEN
Patient in room EFG drops blood pressure and stops urinating. Reassure the bewildered resident, suggest it's time for a fluid bolus!
THEN
Nurse for patient 123 gets into argument with the pharmacy over dispensing a new ativan drip. Get on phone with the devil pharmacy tech and explain that the patient had line changes and all new drips must be hung, so even though a new drip had been hung at 8pmfriday and didn't expire until 8pm on Saturday, we needed a new drip STAT. You can't stop sedating a patient on a ventilator. dumnbass!?!?
THEN
Staffing office calls to tell us they are sending 2 nurses for day shift. We should be overjoycing, right? WRONG. We need at least 16 nurses to "safely" staff the unti, the 2 nurses they're sending us, only puts us at 13.
THEN
The mother of the 34 year old patient in room MNO calls for the 5th time in 7 hours "to check up." OK lady, here's a little insight for you.... your kid 34 year old son burned his peni$ 2 days ago and made it clear at that time that we are not to give our any information over the phone to anyone except for his wife (who we assigned a password to for obtaining info). It's 3am and he's sound asleep. Like we explained before, we don't connect calls into the rooms after 10pm, it's disruptufl. you need to get the # from the patient and call them directly. Please don't send him flowers because flowers aren't allowed on the unit .And lastly, stop trying to bribe me with coffee and a muffin if I'll let you come in before visiting hours begin at 11am. thankyouverymuch
THEN
Receive phone call from the ER attending that there is a 40%er in the ED who needs to be admitted.
THEN
Patient in room QRS shits himself for the 8th time requiring the nurse to change his sterile dressings on his back and legs for the 7th time. Time to make sure that the 3rd CDiff specimen has been sent and then insert a rectal tube. If the devil created diarrhea, then God created the Zassi.

A whole lot more happened that night, but I won't bore you with details. I was in charge again Saturday night and didn't get out of work until 9:30am Sunday morning. I went to bed at 6pm and slept until 11 am today. I'm all recharged and it's a beautiful thing....that is until I go back to work on Wednesday.

dominos

Last night was my first night back at work, actually taking care of patients, after almost 3 weeks of time off to heal my little injury (which is getting better every day, thankyouverymuch).

My boss had called earlier in the day, as in 8am (like that the heck would I be doing at that time of day? Sleep?!?! Apparently not). He called to make sure that I was coming in because staffing is atrocious "see how I was feeling". I assured him that I'd be in and would see how I felt. I did make one request. I told him that I would prefer one very sick, preferable vented patient, over a few "walkie talkie" step-down patients. Have I ever mentioned that I loathe the call bell and think it was possibly invented for the sole reason of tormenting overworked staff??

I arrived at work early (after a year I still overestimate the amount of time it will take me to walk 5 blocks) and am surprised to find that my assignment is actually a "sickie". Oh wait, he's sick, but he's also a bariatric patient (a mere 206 kilos). Um yeah, so like how am I going to maneuver this man? With help, of course. My coworkers were great with lending a hand (or two, or three, or four) but my adventures didn't end with his size. All those with weak stomachs and/or those who want to eat in the next hour, don't read on. During the course of the night he started to blow snot bubbles-one popped in my face (amen to face shields). He projective vomited (did I mention he also has a tracheostomy), that was delicious. Despite giving pharmacy a 2 hour heads up that I needed a new ativan drip, they were 45 minutes late in supplying me a new one. You know how it goes from here...Patient sedation lessons, patient pulls out NG tube that the attending had placed. While I was replacing the NGT tube, the patients A-line pressure bag malfunctioned and I lost the waveform. After 2 attempts the NGT goes in but the patient just coughed off his trach cap and goo flies everywhere. I attempt to prop him on his side and what to do you know? Oh yes, some of the worst smelling farts ever. Only good thing is that there was none of that brown delight, to accompany the odor. That's when my foot skid on the floor. Oh yes, I had just stepped into a the pile of puke that I missed when cleaning up the vomit with cl0r0x wipes (remind me again why we pay a housekeeping staff?) I squatted down to examine the problem. WHOOPS, OUCH, F@c^! That didn't feel good. Now, stuck in a squat, I just started to laugh and laugh and laugh. What else could I do? I pulled myself up and just started to fix all my messes.

Clean puke: check

Get new pressure bag for A-line: check

Reinsert feeding tube: check

Suction out patients mouth and nose and tube for any residual vomit: check, check, check

Completely change patients linens and bed (2nd time in less than 2 hours): check

Wash patients face: check

Take off gloves; Rremove mask; Wash hands; Sit in chair; Pray that 8am isn't really still 5 hours away

I'm back tonight for #2 of 4. Stay tuned, it's always an adventure when nurse Kelly is around.

Four Foods on Friday: Candy

Here are this week’s four questions. This week they’re about candy. Hungry now? Check out what others are drooling over here

#1. Candy. Do you prefer sweet or sour candy?
Sweet (all dentists cringe now!)

#2. Gum. Love it? Hate it? What kind is your favorite?
Love it. Peppermint or Sweetmint 0rbit

#3. What is your favorite candy?
Peanut M & M's. Mix of salty sweet

#4. Share a recipe for anything that you can include a piece of candy in.
These are my "Kitchen Sink Cookies". I was trying to clean out my cabinets after holiday entertaining and here is what happened:

1/2 c. brown sugar, packed
1/2 c. white sugar
1 cup flour
1/4 c. instant vanilla pudding mix
1 tsp salt
2 tsp baking powder
1 egg
1/2 c margarine, softened @ room temp (NOT melted!)
1 c. broken pretzel pieces
1 c. chocolate chips
1 c. peanut M&M's
1/2 c old fashioned oats
(can also use 3/4 cup of rice krispies)

Preheat oven to 350
-cream sugars and margerine together, mix in the egg
-combine flour, salt, baking pwdr, pudding mix, and oats- gradually mix into egg mixture. Hand mixing works best with wooden spoon
-add pretzel pieces, choc chips, M&M's
-combine until add-ins are evenly spread throughout dough
-spray a cookie sheet with baking spray: drop 1 TB balls onto cookie sheet, about 12 per sheet: bake for 10-12 minutes, or until dough is starting to "tan"

*it's okay if they aren't perfect balls. The little pretzel bits sticking out the sides, are a perfect sneak peak at what's inside.

When I Grow Up...

I wanted to be:

A Hairdresser- I'd spent hours doing my friends hair, but wouldn't let a brush/comb touch my curly sue long banana curls. Then I discovered scissors and suddenly my barbies suddenly looked like her . So blame me, I started the trend.
original photo credit: www.chitchatchica.com


A Teacher- My mom used to find me sitting on the toilet, with the shampoo bottles lined up along the tub edge, speaking to them...uttering some sort of academic verbage. Thankfully, I moved on from shampoo bottles to dolls and my friends. I thought it was SO COOL when my dad brought home a giant, school size, chalk board from his office conference room that was being renovated. I was the only kid on the block with a class room necesity mounted on their playroom wall!


A Cashier- I thought cash registers were so cool. After years of cutting up paper (and killing lots of trees to make fake money and receipts), my parents bought me a REAL cash register like one that made receipts and beeped and chimed. Unfortunately, it didn't come with real money, but a girl can dream, right?


An Archaeologist- Digging up the greatest lost treasures of the world.
Unearthing dinosaur bones. Finding the treasure map that would lead to the hidden chest of gold. Getting the glorious tan outside under the dessert sun. Oh wait! WHAT?!?! I might see a snake? Er, no thanks. I guess I'll stick to the history channel.


A Doctor- trauma surgeon, actually. The rush of adrenaline as the gurney wheels in through the ER door. The rapid "lub-dub" of my heart beating as my beeper goes off...what sort of fun next? The satisfaction of closing up a chest after stopping the gushers from a gunshot wound. Comforting and consoling a family when they fall upon hard times. Wearing scrubs to work every day (so budget friendly)!

An Architect- I must have drafted 20 versions of my dream house. I had grand plans for renovations and additions to my parents house. I'd go on walks through new neighborhoods and browse the real esate section to look at floor plans. I filled 2 sketch books with various homes and designs. One Christmas my parents bought me home design software for the computer. It was my favorite gift that year. we no longer have the computer but under my bed at home is a box filled all my designs and the paint chips of varied color palates and the cut outs of furniture and hardware to outfit my designs.

It's funny how I never dreamt of being a nurse, yet managed to spend $200,000 on an education to become one. At the begging on my junior year in high school, I started to heavily contemplate my future. what did I want to do? What exited me? Where did I see myself? Heavy stuff for a 17 year old. I don't remember when I first considered nursing. But I do know that I got mixed reviews about my choice to attend nursing school.

My guidance counselor, a fabulous mentor, was disappointed. He thought I was settling, "Why not medical school?"

My chemistry teacher, a woman who still inspires me to this day, thought it was great. "Kelly, you are so detail oriented and organized, not to mention your compassion and friendliness, you'll be a wonderful nurse."

My English teacher, the warm and fuzzy grandmother like figure, was thrilled. "Oh good choice Kelly. We know how much you hate grammar and full sentences." (I'll never forget the look on her face. Love you Mrs. B!!)

My friends, people who had seen me at my best and worst, weren't that supportive. "You want to wipe asses all day? Ew, gross."

My aunt and uncle, always jealous over my academic achievements, thought it was just great. Their girls would clearly end up with a better paying job some day.

My best friend S, someone who always called it like she saw it, embraced the idea whole heatedly. She was going to school for OT and we knew that we'd be able to commiserate though biology, chemistry, anatomy and physiology together. She is one of the reasons I made it through.

My parents, my rocks though thick and thin, wanted me to do whatever was going to make me happy. They went to every open house, drove all around the east coast looking at schools, listened to me bitch and moan in fits of indecisiveness, wrote out all those application checks, and didn't think twice about re-mortgaging our house to send me to my top choice school. Without their support I never would have made it though college or even the application process, but when they walked me walk across that stage and receive my diploma they knew all their patience and prayers had paid off. Plus now they had a diploma receipt for their $200,000, even if it was written in Latin and no one knew what the hell it said.

As I approach the one year anniversary at my job and look back, I don't really have any regrets. Being a nurse may not have been what I originally saw myself doing... it's certainly not glamorous, I'm not in it for the money, the hours can be crappy, I deal with a lof of crap (literally)...but at the end of the day I'm learning a lot, meeting great people, making decent money, wearing scrubs to work (take that dry cleaning bills!), and proving to myself that some of life's best adventures aren't the ones you originally saw yourself completing.

Only In New York

Yesterday in Central Park there was a Transvestite on Roller-skate competition.....absolutely incredible!

Wednesday Night Dinner Club

I hosted WNDC this week.

On the menu:
*Honey Balsamic Rosemary Chicken
*Herb Roasted Potatoes
*Fresh Green Beans
*Tomato, Mozarella, Basil appetizer
*Chocolate Mouse Cake with fresh berries
and Wine...lots of wine Napa Valley Chardonay, Appellation California Pinot Noir, California Zinfandel, Abruzzi Il Bordo, New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc

Next week: Craig is cooking. I think the theme is Greek. Any suggestions for a nice wine pairing?

Friends in Unexpected Places

It may or may not come as a surprise to you loyal readers that one of the first things I did when I moved to New York, actually even before I moved to New York, was join the gym. An exercise/endorphin junkie, I was thrilled that my apartment was on the same block as my apartment...I swear I didn't plan it!

I've never been one to think of gym time as socializing time. I go to sweat, clear my head, stay healthy, and (okay, I admit it) scout out cute boys hunky men. However, due to the nature of my job, I'm always there during "old people hours". 5am or 2pm...all those Wall Streeters, construction workers, and men in uniform are there at night, too bad! In any case, I'm used to seeing the same crowd. You get to know them, wave a little hello, flash a little smile. Oh, and if I ever mention to an older man or woman that I'm a nurse, I'm either immediately asked a health question, or told some story about "when they were in the hospital." I'm flattered that they are comfortable opening up to a complete stranger, or maybe I'm weirded out. haha.

Because it seemed like a great way to spend thousands of dollars a year get stronger, I hired a personal trainer. We'll call him "G.I. Greg." Greg's sarcastic attitude and humor made my grueling training sessions enjoyable and he helped knock some sense into me..."What are you doing? Is that how we train? Come on, get it together." I started giving him the finger when eh gave me too much shit. He retaliated and every time I raised that middle digits...30 squat jumps. that little finger hasn't waved in the air since December 2007.

We had been training for abbot a month when he showed up to a session with a huge cut from playing football. I gently offered my "professional advice" and he replied, "Why thank you, Nurse Kelly"...and the nick name stuck. G.I. Greg introduced me to Cheryl and we immediately hit it off. She worked in member services and I'd always pop in and say hello or she'd swing through the training area just to say hi.

As the weeks passed, I got to know most all of the other trainers. Or should I say, they all got to know me. I'd be minding my own business,getting all buff, and they'd wave across the gym and say, "Hey Nurse Kelly." Really? This is too funny. Nick names catch on quickly. I'd always share stories from work (the good, the bad, and the ugly) with G.I. Greg while training and naturally, others would hear them and ask questions. It became standing interaction, for them to ask, "Save any lives today Nurse Kelly?" Other gym members would always turn around, puzzled, and then sort of eaves drop.

In January I decided that I was going to channel my running passion and run a marathon. I began to log more and more miles each week; I was loving it. GI Greg was helping me build my core strength but he kept warning me that I was running too much, or running to fast, and not getting enough rest. I wanted to listen to him, but I couldn't. Running was like a drug, and I as hooked. I wold hop out of bed to lace up my shoes and hit the road, or even treadmill belt! G I Greg wold run with me in the park and he introduced me to other running partners

In April I got the bad news, GI Greg was going to be leaving in July for some classified federal training (yes, he has one of those cool protection jobs). We continued to rain, I trekked on. I started hanging out with Cheryl more and more. Her schedule was less hectic in the summer, as she doesn't work for the dance company. We made it a plan to do dinner on Wednesday nights. The first night was the week GI Greg left. Wait, forgot to mention, once Cheryl and GI greg are dating (it all makes sense now!)

The next week, Cheryl introduced me to her friend Gay Craig (LOVE THIS BOY!). Well had an excellent time at dinner that night, sharing stories, being silly, sharing our love of great food and wine. That night we saw Aline, another one of GI Greg's former clients, and she joined us for a drink. Before we knew it, 4 hours had passed and we were drunk and full done. Cheryl, much like GI Greg calls me Nurse Kelly. However, Craig, after a few glasses of wine decided that he was going to call me Nurse Betty (ya know, from the book and movie?). Aline, on the other hand, insisted on calling me Nurse Kelly.

Craig decided the following week that he wanted to cook on Wednesday night in lieu of going out. We waked over to Cheryl's apartment. We called Aline and she arrived bottle of wine in hand. Without even thinking, we also called Ken-a trainer and friends of GI Greg's, and came over with his wife and their adopale dog phoebe. *Simply a bonus that we all live within 4 blocks of each other* And there you have. The first official meeting of Wednesday Night Dinner Club. Our dynamics are hilarious:
Cheryl- 30 something, dancer/choreographer who works in sales at the gym
Craig- a late 20 something, who proudly makes fun of his Jewish family, works as a stylist by trade and socializes sells memberships at the gym
Aline- late 40 something with a zest and vigor for life who is absolutely crazy with an amazing husband who tolerates her hanging out with us on Wednesday nights while he plays poker
Ken- 30 something trainer and fitness guru who looks like he stepped of the beaches of Malibu, but is actually a native Long Islander
Lori- Ken's wife, who works in real esates and dablbles in calligraphy, and who sort of crashes WNDC...
Phoebe- Ken and Lori's puppy who is 100% cute, 100% wild, with so many allergies that she sneezes non-stop, and the perfect accent to WNDC.
and me- 20 something year old gym rat , somewhat recent college grad, who loves her job as a nurse and saving lives one hospital bed a time

I never would have thought that such a random group of people could have so much fun! But we do and it only goes to show that you really can find friends in unexpected places.

Four Foods on Friday: Baking Style

Here are this week’s four questions. This week Valmg is asking us about baking.

#1. When you need to serve desserts, do you buy them or make them?
Depends on the size of the party. I can make a few cookies, cakes, pies, etc....but when it comes to entertaining the masses, I might need to hire a little "help"

#2. When baking do you use butter, margarine or something else?
Depends. Butter for things that need to crisp or flaky and margarine for anything soft and chewy. I never cook with shortening.

#3. What meats or veggies do you cook in the oven?
Potatoes. It's the only way to get that soft center and crispy outside. yumm!

#4. Share a recipe for anything that is cooked in an oven.
Maple Roasted Fennel a WH0LE F00DS creation
this makes an excellent starter, or to cleanse the palate. Added bonus is the fragrance of these items marrying in the oven

8 fennel bulbs, trimmed and rinsed, outside layers removed
1/3 cup maple syrup
1 tablespoon water
sea salt, to taste
ground pepper, to taste

Preheat oven to 350°F. Halve fennel bulbs through the root. Slice halves thinly through the root to hold the slices together. Arrange slices on a parchment-lined rimmed baking sheet without overcrowding them. You may need to do these in batches or use several baking sheets.

Combine maple syrup and water in a small bowl. Lightly brush each fennel slice with this mixture and season with salt and pepper. Turn each slice and repeat brushing and seasoning on other side. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes, until fennel is lightly browned. Remove from oven and turn all slices. Bake 8 to 10 minutes longer, until fennel is tender. Remove and serve immediately.

criteria for the "+1"

Did you ever have a conversation that by the end left you thinking, "What? How did we up on this topic?" Last night was one of those nights. I went out last night with G, our friend-his fraternity brother J, and their other frat brother M, who just got engaged to E. last week; They've been dating for seven years. Earlier in the day, they had all been at the Y@nkees game and were too tired and sweaty to go out to a fancy dinner, so we settled on a local bar for beers and appetizers. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was that I hadn't eaten all day but my beer was do delicious, I finished it before the boys. But that's not the point.

Back to my story.

Okay, so M &E are getting married. By some serendipitous fluke, both of their parents have the same wedding anniversary, so that date in September is the obvious choice. However, they are looking at 2009, so they've got a good 14 months. Before we left for the bar, I thoroughly enjoyed sitting by and watching G & J giggle and smile with excitement as they talked about the bachelor party wedding. And then we got onto the topic of dates, ya know the special "+1" that comes on the invites.

The group was giving J a lot of shit and jokingly told him that he has 14 months to find the +1. We suggested that he begin his hunt "tonight." And with that he looked down at his shorts and said. "Does this mean I shouldn't 'mesh it' to the bar". Simultaneously we all said, "Yeah. You might want to change out of the mesh gym shorts." J goes into his room and comes out, trying to put on a belt; however, we notice that he's missing a button on the shorts. He told us, "Well the other day I ate some chicken wings, sat down, and POP...off it came." He then patted his belly in a oh so maternal kind of way and turned to reach for another pair of shorts in his closet. But what do you know! 2 more pairs, without buttons. So either J needs to go on a diet, or find a girl who sews. Speaking of finding a girl, once we were at the bar, and all had a few drinks in us, we asked J to make a list of deal breakers when it comes to a girl. Brace yourself, here we go:
1. non-smoker
2. Piercing: only ears and belly button
3. Tattoos: preferably not, but a tasteful, discretely placed would be okay
4. Must love meat
5. Must be willing to "rub his belly" (apparently its okay if this doesn't occur on date #1)
6. Not skinny, he likes a little "something to grab"
7. Jewish, ideally, although he did say he'd take a normal non Jew, to an ugly Jew
8. Must have 2 boobs, uniboob won't do. Really? haha
9. brunette, then blonde. Guess, there are too many red headed Jews?
10. Likes Loves Beer
11. Can cook
12. Likes to spoon AND have sex
13. in relationship to #13, he's willing to wait a while
14. Would want to go to a Mets/Yankees game with him, but if he got tickets to a Sox/Yankees game she'd tell him to go with friends
15.Willing to hang with the guys

and there you have it. J's criteria for his "+1". So if you know any female ages 20-24, that fit the above criteria, and are free in September 2009...be sure they inquire. haha

To Fill In My Past

Looking back over my blog entries, I noticed a trend...I really haven't written much about boys and dating (or lack there of). There are a few scattered posts, but nothing significant. When I started this blog, 2 years ago, it was a way for me to chronicle my adventures through senior year of college and recollect fond memories from the previous three years. I've half-heartedly stuck to my plan; however, now this blog is more of a personal diary, if you consider "personal" that which is read by people who I don't know and maybe never will.

God, I'm off topic again. Yes, back to dating. I figured that I'd start to fill in some of the gaps. This way it's on record for me and you can be entertained, maybe.

When this blog was born, a rather interesting summer had just ended. Let me take you back there…

At the end of my junior year I was seeing a boy in the med school. I thought all was great, especially seeing as I was staying in Philly over the summer to work at CHOP. What I failed to recognize was that he was essentially in school all summer going back and fourth to clinical sites, just like I had been all school year. We spent some great time together, conversation was incredible, and let's just say that he was a good host in the few days when I was homeless in between apartment leases. However, then he went out to , PA and we were apart for a few weeks. I was working at the hospital, so it was common for us to play phone tag. At first, the calls still came, but then they were less and less. On July 2nd, I actually managed to get a hold of him on the phone. He asked me my plans for the 4th and I said that I was planning on heading down to the fireworks and street fair with some friends. I asked him the same question. He mumbled something about meeting up with friends for a bbq later in the day. I could sense a distance in his voice, but he told me was just exhausted. He asked if I wanted to meet up for brunch on the morning of the 4th. Odd? I thought, but agreed.

I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was up, but I tried to let it go.

I got up early on the 4th and went for a long run...yes, in the 90 degree heat. I needed to de-stress. He arrived at my apartment around 11 and came to the back door. I welcomed him in, offered him a drink, and a seat. He sort of looked nervous, hands in pockets, rocking back and forth in his shoes and quickly suggested that we go grab some food. We walked up the block to M@rathon and were quickly seated… next to 2 of his friends. I got the sense he wanted to move our seats, but the restaurant was busy. He was sort of an a$$. He said hi to his friends and gabbed for a minute. He didn't introduce me. I introduced myself, "Hi, I'm Kelly." He followed with, "Oh, yeah, um...my fri...she's in the nursing school."
Smooth, real smooth.

We ordered our food and made small talk, a huge change from the great conversation usually shared between us. I thought I was going to be sick. I knew where this was going and I just wanted it to be done. SAY IT ALREADY!

Then the bill came. Don't get me wrong, chivalry has a time and place, but this is modern day and I have no problem paying for my own food. I always offer. However, he had never let me pay before, so it did surprise me when I pulled out my money and he said, "Well, can you leave $15?" Uh, okay.

We got up and walked out. No hand holding, barely a door hold. We walked back, briskly, to my apartment and, again, I invited him inside. We sat on my futon and conversation seemed painful. And then he turned to me and said, "Soo...I'm not sure how you feel, but I've done a lot of thinking, especially since I was away..."
Wait, are we defining this 'relationship' or ending it?
"And what I realized is that, I don't have the time to give you....that you deserve...for this relationship"
I swallowed hard, "Uh, hunh."
"I think you're great, but we are at different points in our life. We're both just so busy, ya know?"
So now he's deciding that I'm too busy? Okay, whatever. But wait, did he just do that? He actually defined and ended the 'relationship’ in the same breath. Never heard that one before.
He looked at me and said, "This is okay with you, right?"
Erg, how do you respond to that? I'm assuming it's more of a rhetorical question.
"I understand. We've each got our own stuff going on…” I took a deep breath.
"Really? Great!"

He then attempted to go on and make normal conversation. I was hurt and really just wanted to ask him to leave. I could only hold back the tears for so long and swallow the lump in the throat so many times.
After a seemingly eternal five minutes, he got up and left. No hug, no hand shake, just the head nod (yes, the head buck forward that seems almost gangsta).

He left, I closed the door, curled up in bed, and cried. Why I was upset. It's not like we were dating, or that it had been clearly established. But as I let the tears roll, I realized I was upset because I was sad. I had every right to be sad. I lost a friend and felt like the above transpired events were one sided. Maybe I wished I could have spoken my mind, maybe not.

I've always been a quiet person. Not emotionless, but quiet. I’m a thinker and listener. I take it all in and analyze it…then I speak my mind. I'd forgo an argument if it seemed pointless. I believe we are all entitled to our own opinions and why argue over a minute point if you know you'll never change their mind, that they will see your lips move but be mute to the sound. I kept wondering, should I have said something? Would I have felt better?

In the end, it all worked out for the best. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by a great group of friends that night who didn't let me sulk in solitude. They dragged me out and we had a fantastic night watching the fireworks, rain showers and all.

After a few days, the sting subsided, and I went about my life. Good friends, great memories, and fear not, a few other boys came along that summer. A few months into senior year, I bumped into the boy and we had a great conversation. We decided to meet for lunch the next day. (Am I a glutton for punishment? Maybe.) We talked about the rest of the summer, his clinical rotations, my clinical rotations, his thoughts on residency, my thoughts on moving to the Big Apple and passing my boards. He seemed happy and secure, as was I. And at that moment, I knew I had made the right choice months before. He hadn't ended our fling to spite me, he did it for himself, and I'm okay with that. In this world that we live in, sometimes you just have to do what's right for you, because you know yourself best. He needed to take the time to get his plans figured out and didn’t want to deal with splitting his time. Note* I may have better perspective now on why we broke it off, but he could still use a few tips on how to let someone down in a more precise and less drawn out manner.

It's Friday! And This Is My Four Foods Post

According to Valmg, "If you’ve got a working sniffer you can play". So why don't you hop on over to her blog and check out this meme!
#1. Fruits and veggies. Do you prefer them peeled or not?
Unpeeled, but they need to be thoroughtly washed. I use this fruit and veggie wash.

#2. What’s your favorite fresh fruit or vegetable smell?
It's a tie between pineapple and oragnes


#3. What’s the worst food smell you’ve ever smelled?
Olives. I love shopping in the gourmet/specialty food shops, but I have to run through the fresh olive section. Makes me want to heave.

#4. Share the recipe for the dish that you love to smell cooking in your oven.
Dutch Apple Cake: inspired by an allrecipes.com recpe

3 apples - peeled, cored and cut into thin wedges
3 tablespoons white sugar
2tablespoons brown sugar
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 cup raisins

3 cups all-purpose flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
2 cups white sugar
4 eggs
1 cup vegetable oil
2 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2/3 cup fresh orange juice

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour a 10 inch Bundt pan. In a medium bowl, combine the apples, raisins, 5 tablespoons sugar and cinnamon. Set aside.

Sift together the flour and baking powder; set aside. In a large bowl, mix together the eggs and sugar. Stir in the oil, vanilla and orange juice, mixing until blended. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients and pour in the orange juice mixture. Stir just until combined.

Layer batter and apple mixture in the prepared pan, beginning and ending with the batter. Bake in the preheated oven for 70 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Allow to cool.

The Diagnosis Is... (the grammatically correct version)

I know you have all been dying in suspense (oh no wait, that was me) but on Thursday I finally found out what's wrong with me. Like I mentioned in this post, the doctor was 99% sure that I had stress fracture in the neck of femur aka a hip fracture. I had the MRI and then had to wait 2 weeks to get the results.

My appointment was for 9:30 am Thursday morning. All day Wednesday my mind was in a fog and I couldn't focus. I guess I didn't make the best choice by going out and getting a bit tipsy that night, but I thought it would help me sleep. Erg, WRONG. I fell asleep immediately upon crawling into bed, but was wide awake 3 hours later with my mind running a thousand miles an hour.

I think I managed to dose off around 6:30 a.m., only to be waken by my alarm at 8:15. I jumped out of bed, took a quick shower, and got dressed. I felt like a bipolar person. MY mind was all over the place, vacillating from good to bad back to good and then to awful. At 9, I walked out the door and made the 4 block walk to the doctors office. Within minutes I was called into the room and I sat there-on the crisp white paper- in the cotton hospital shorts, my legs so white they blended in with the paper, my heart racing. Dr. M knocked on the door and came in. He heartily shook my hand and asked how I was feeling. I told that I was feeling slightly better, but that the pain was still there.

Silence....God I hate that!

He logged into the computer and pulled up my MRI. He spent a minute trying to orient me to my anatomy but all I heard was "blah blah blah blah....bone should be black....blah blah blah....all this is white, that's inflammation"
Okay, now I needed to focus. I put my best listening ears on (ouy, I've been babysitting too much lately, haha) and then he said, "So much to my surprise your femur is okay...."

Wahwhoooooo! Horray! Yes, sweet! Oh yeah baby!

"But see this here..."

wait, is he still talking? was that a "but"

"That's your pubic ramus and that's a mighty big fracture."

My stomach came up my throat and my heart sank.

"What this tell us is that you are one tough cookie. Most people with this injury can barely walk, let alone continue to train."


I had to compose myself and fight back tears. The conversation that followed left me so upset. Basically I'm on activity restriction for another 4 weeks, my September marathon is out, and this upcoming week I have to go have a DEXA scan done.

This battle is just beginning. Now that we have a diagnosis, we need to figure out why it happened. My PT evaluation already revealed a substantially weakened left side, but it's more a chicken or the egg question. Is it weak because it's injured, or did the weakness lead to the injury. The bone scan will show the condition of my bones, yet another test I'm dreading. Once I get those results, I'll have a better idea of where I stand.

However, it's odd that I find myself in this predicament. I've known for over 7 years that I have low bone density. One of the treatments for LBD is weight bearing activity (strength training and impact activities) but I already do those. I also take a calcium supplement. I'm sure you have all seen the commercials for the osteoporosis medications like Act0nel, B0niva, F0smax, but they aren't approved for women of childbearing age because they have uncertain teratogenic effect on fetuses.

And let's be honest, I don't want to decide, at the ripe old age of 23, that I want to forgo having kid for the sake of a medication that could be obsolete in 10 years.

So where does that leave me? I don't know.

What I do know is that my PT regimen is grueling. I hurt so much afterwards, I want to cry. I also know that this injury has forced me back into the pool, something that I never though would happen. I swam competitively for 12 years but gave it up college; I haven't set foot in lane lined pool since high school. My reasons for leaving swimming behind are for another post, but I found myself in tears yesterday when I went to the store to buy a cap and goggles.

Today I made the emotional plunge back into the pool. After PT I made my way to the locker room, suited up, walked out onto the deck, and then stood at the edge of the pool. I grabbed a kick board, pull buoy, paddles, and fins. I jumped in and just started to swim. After less than 25 yards, it felt like I had never left the pool. My upper body still carried my stoke, I still preferred breathing to my left side, I still stroked with my left hand right preceding a flip turn...

My body didn't ache like when I'd be out of swimming shape in between seasons, but I felt sore, from using different muscles. I swam for about an hour and by the end I was tired; however, I didn't want to stop. Something in me wanted to keep going, keep pushing. I was tired and sore, but not in agony. Wait, something is wrong with that mentality. I'm never going to get better if I keep pushing to injury. I'm an addict, an endorphin junkie. Working out, the endorphin high, and the stress release is like crack to an addict.

Sigh....

Now, off to work, and let the waiting begin (again)

Four Foods on Friday: Party Edition

Want to see how everyone else entertains? Go on over to Valmg's blog and check out Four Foods on Friday week # 30!

#1. Cake. Buttercream, whipped cream or ice cream?
Buttercream frosting is classic in my house.

#2. When entertaining do you use real, paper, plastic or styrofoam dishes?
Real dishes (a few too many accidents with disposable dishwear breaking!)

#3. When hosting a party do you cook, have it catered or go to a restaurant?
99% of the time I cook. Sometimes I'll cheat and have a few dishes made and serve them along with the homemade stuff!

#4. Share a recipe that you frequently serve when having a party.
Spinach Stuffed Portabella Mushroms

Ingredients:
2 cups Parsley
2 teaspoons Garlic
.5 cup choppd Onion
3.5 servings Leaf Spinach, Frozen
2 tablespoons Olive Oil
2 tablespoons Butter
6 Portabello Mushroom Raw
1 egg
.5 cups Breadcrumbs
1/3 cup Parmesan, Grated Cheese
1/3 cup goat cheese


Instructions:
Portabello mushrooms sauteed in olive oil and butter and placed aside.
Onion cooked until translucent.
Mix the thawed/drained spinach, breadcrumbs, egg, onion, parlsely, cheese, and garlic.
Stuff the Mushrooms stuffed with spinach mixture.
Melt the butter, and lightly drizzle atop the mushroom caps.
Srpinkle goat cheese on top of caps.
Put in 350 degree oven for 40 minutes.
Remove, let cool for 5 minutes, enjoy!

that itch you can't scratch

I finally realized why I have a secret yearning to go back to school. No, it's not that I like having an "excuse" to stay in on Friday nights, that I enjoy being in debt, that I thrive under stress, that I love wearing logo hoodies and flip flops in the middle of winter, but IT IS that sense of being and involvement.

In high school, but even more so, college, I found myself joining more and more groups, attending more meetings that could seemingly git into a day, and of course meeting new people and challenging myself to try new things. It's no hidden fact that I came into my own in college. I was the quiet, well liked over-achiever in high school, but hadn't found that balance of work and play. I worked hard at the expense of play, and when I did play I always felt out of my element.

FLash forward to college... FREEDOM! I didn't know a soul and I was forced to make friends; however, I made friends with people because I wanted to be friends with them, not because we had been in the same school for 12 years and went to church together and played town sports together, etc. I suddenly found myself in a sorority, held elected positions within the organization, was elected secretary of the class of 2007 for three years, worked in student services, volunteered my nursign services in the west Philadelphia community, etc. I could go on, but you get the point.

After graduation, my main focus was studying for and passing the NCLEX; finding an apartment in NYC; starting my job; passing all my additional certifications; settling intot he city. I've been here a year now and all of the aforementioned are done. I still see my friends from college, NYC is a hub for Penn alums, but lately I've found myself checking out grad school more and more frequently. I know I am on defferment at Penn until 2010, but Im still torn if I'll go back. It won't be the same the second time around, and it would mean leaving New York. So if it's not about my friends, or wanting to leave New York, why am I longing to go back to school?

"Ahh, there's the rub". I miss that invovlement. I need to get more involved here. Over the last week, I've done lots of searching and found quite a few groups to join.
1) CHI-O alumna NYC chapter
2) Junior League of NYC
3) Meals on Wheels

I already volunteer at the church and teach sunday school, but I'm still itching for more. Maybe I want to become more well rounded, or maybe I'm just crazy and enjoy being overbooked and super involved. Whatever it is, I've got an itch and it needs scratching. If you have ever found yourself in my shoes, please send along any suggestions or ideas you may have...I can't wait !

thanks and happy monday!

A little FFoF to kick off Independence Day

Valmg's still at it...posing questions about food, cooking, and eating! If this sounds like something you'd like, join her weekly Four Foods on Friday MEME.

#1. Name your biggest cooking influence.
Curiosity. I swear, the more I think about things, the more I have to try to make and/or recreate

#2. What is your ultimate comfort food?
Oatmeal raisin cookies (soft ones) and my moms' homemade spaghetti sauce [but not together, haha!]

#3. Name one must have tool that you think every kitchen should have.
A vegetable peeler. It's not just for peeling carrots and potatoes anymore! You can peel apples, make fancy chcoclate garnishes, thinly slice cheese, ribbon cut long vegetables. Seriously. it's a wonder tool.

#4. Share a time saving tip.
Mix up your pancake batter in your blender,
then pour right out of your container onto the
griddle. You'll have lump-free batter and lots
less to clean up.

A Rant of Sorts

I've blogged (many times) about the interesting dynamics of my patients and their situations and circumstances. We have a running joke at work that no normal people get burned. Not quite true; however,the normal ones are usually victim to some freak situations.

Some of the odder injuries and/or mechanisms of injuries include:
-sitting on a pot of boiling water
-trying to throw a burning mattress out a porthole window
-Icyhot on the genitals
-man hole steam explosion
-building implosion from gas explosion
-smoking while polyurethaning some wood--POOF!
-smoking in bed, while wearing oxygen

At any given time, we have at least two or three homeless people on our unit. I'm not passing judgment, because we are only only just a few paychecks away from being that way our self...

Anyways, this last week I was taking of an undomiciled man, or at least one of temporary transient housing as he liked to call it. I had a really hard time with this man. Not because he was homeless, but because of his behavior.

#1. He refused to shower-he had bugs on him. Not enough peppermint spirits in the supply room to mask this odor

#2 He complains about the food- sorry, forgot to tell you the 5 star chef is on vacation.

#3. After vomiting, he refused to let me remove it. Thought it he might need it later. For what?

#4. Stated reasoning for #3 was that "he might get hungry again later". Are you bulimic or burned?) Sorry, that comment was rather tactless

#5. Patient refused to be washed but requested that I cut his talons toenails. Sorry pal, I didn't bring my chain saw to work today

#6. Peanut butter. He couldn't get enough. He stockpiled it, took it of another person's dirty tray, ate it with his fingers-his dirty, bug laden, fingers



#7. Attitude. When I asked him if he wanted his meds before or after his wound care, he told me to get the "F" out of his room...he'd let me know later. Umm, so I'll take that as a later?

Okay, I just needed to vent and get that off my chest. Thanks for listening.