Day At the Ball Park

I got this email last week:

Kelly,
I'm writing to see if you would like to join me at a Yankee Game next Saturday July 18 at 1:05.

You were picked because the staff identified you as someone who embodies our values at NYP .
I can't guarantee how the Yankees will play, but I can guarantee wonderful seats and refreshments in the luxury box that we have for this game.

Please let me know by Monday end of the day.

Thanks.
Laura

I read the email. I reread the email. I read the email for a third time. Yes, this was an email from the Vice President, Chief Medical Officer of the hospital. I was shocked and (obviously) flattered. Before I could write back, I realized that I was scheduled to work that Saturday. I called my bosses, who were thrilled to hear the news, and without hesitation they gave me the day off. I knew this must have been a big deal because staffing for Saturday was real crappy and to simply take me off without as much a hesitation meant a great deal.

As Saturday approached, I got nervous. What do I talk about? Is it going to be awkward? Who else will be there? I had to pick my ticket up at her office on Friday; I'd never been to the "executive offices" before. I received the ticket from her secretary and did a double take. It was twice the size of a normal ticket with shiny gold embossing. I felt like a kid who just found a Willy Wonka goledn ticket.

I took the 6 train to the Bronx on Saturday afternoon. It was a day I will not soon forget. Not only was it my first time at the new Yankee Stadium and my first time at a Yankee's game,

When I finally made m way into the stadium I was lost. I had no idea how to find my way to the luxury box...thats so not how I'm used to experiencing baseball games. However, after what seemed like an endless walk down carpeted, air conditioned hallways lined with plaques and giant mahogany doors, I arrived at luxury box 156. I opened the door.......fully stocked bar( beer, wine, hard liquor, soda, water), salads, paninis, hot dogs, hamburgers, chocolate covered fruit, popcorn, cookies, peanuts, pork chops, steak, grilled chicken, giant soft pretzels, a gastronomes delight! Once I got over the shock of it all, I realized that it was a rather intimate gathering. Maybe 20 or so people, a minute fraction of the ten thousand employees currently employed by NYP. I was greeted warmly by L (Dr. F). We chatted and I continued to mingle and meet the other people. There were a total of three nurses, myself included. The other two nurses were male- one worked in the PACU and the other in the Neuro ICU.

Although the game was rather slow, the Yankee's did pull out a 2:1 win over the Tigers. After the game, some people left,others lingered and chatted. Knowing that the train would be a zoo, I was in no rush to leave. I sat and talked to L some more. I was telling her about starting school at Columbia in the fall. She asked what nursing program I was doing; I told her that I wasn't enrolled in the school of nursing, but rather in the school of public health with a degree in policy and management. She stopped, put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Kelly! That's the program I did. You will love it, it's an amazing place and a fabulous credential." I smiled. We chatted a bit more, I thanked her, and then I left.

I couldn't stop grinning on the way home. I'd been quite nervous with my decision to go back to school, but suddenly I felt at ease. I realized that I'm not only happy and secure with my job, but also my future holds so much potential.

Who would have thought that a day at the ball park was all I needed to ease my mind.

The Good Life

After a wonderful tropical vacation, I worked a four day stretch, had one day off, then worked another four days. Had these been night shifts, I would have been exhausted and slept away of days off; however, now that my vampire days are over, I've been living the good life.

I can go out after work becuase other people are home! Have you ever tried to find a group of people who work M-F (9-5) who are free on a random weekday morning for dinner breakfast? Let me save you the trouble, it's impossible. Plus there's the whole issue of I'm craving a glass of wine to calm my nerves when the're focusing of a cup of caffeinated delight to perk them up!

I'm running. Long and steady, I'm thrilled!

I have plans to see my family more often than every six months!

I'm doing thing that I otherwise wouldnt do, just becuase I can!
Having picnics in the Park for breakfast! Good book + coffee + sunshine= bliss
Seeing the Philharmonic orchestra with my coworkers on a random weekday night.

I'm doing things that I love to do, but just didn't jive with my schedule before!
Cooking.
Baking.
Blogging.
Talking to people on the phone versus having to send them an email. No one appreciated a phone call at 3am just becuase it was convenient for me.

See....life is good.
Continnuing on with things that fit back into my life....

I finally made it back to Philadelphia this weekend, and boy was it a long overdue trip! I got to see the L's. R and J are getting SO big. I can't believe it has been six months since I'd see them. It was the longest stretch of time I'd gone without seeing them. Highlights of my 24 hour visit were: eating with a group of people around a table, baking with the boys, playing flashlight tag, snuggling up in the big cumfy chair to read books before bed, coming downstaris in the morning to: "Good morning Nurse Miss Kelly. Did you have a nice sweep?", pancake breakfasts, and spending a lovey afternoon at the pool. My trip was over much too soon, but I already feel revived.

When I was living in Philadelphia, I escaped the city at least once a week and spent time in the suburbs; my longing for greenery and quiet was always fulfilled. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed my urban escapes.

I've got six more weeks of bliss, before life gets crazy, (again) school starts. I realize two things. First, I need to enjoy the rest of the summer and do whatever it is that makes me happy. Second, I simply cannot go another six months without seeing my family and without seeing the L's!

Where are all my posts? I wrote a bunch of short posts to autopublish over the last few weeks, but it looks as though they never published and now they are gone. Hmmm....guess I'll try and recap:

1. NO MORE NIGHT SHIFTS! I'm officially working full time days.

2. My Aruba vacation was amazing! It was so great to see my family after six months.

3. It's been 13 months since I fractured my pelvis and I'm finally back in action.

4. The Pink Panther sofa is GONE. The new furniture is beautiful and I am very satisfied.

As I get my life back in order, I'll write more. Please be patient. =)

FFoF #79

Here are this week’s four questions. If you want to play go here!
Oh hey, that's my question as #1! Yay.

#1, Kelly’s question. What is your favorite memory associated with the smell of a certain food? As in, you smell it, close your eyes and are instantly drawn back to a magical moment in time….
Pumpkin and apple pie baking in the oven. Immediately draws me back to the fall season in New England and spending holidays with my family...something that hasn't happened in two years.

#2. Name something red that is in your cabinets.
The cover of my PAM spray.

#3. Ice. Do you have an ice maker, use ice cube trays or buy by the bag?
Buy it in the bag. It's a habit of my roommate.

#4. Pepper. What kind do you use most often? Is it in a grinder or a shaker?
Black, from the grinder. Love that grit!

When Futility Wins

We got a notification at 9am on Thursday morning that a Jane Doe, approximately 60 years old, found down at the scene with 90% TBSA burns was being transferred. We set up the room, the ventilator, the pumps, etc, and then we waited. Four hours passed before we heard anything else. We assumed that the patient didn't make it, as it was reported that the other person in the fire was pronounced dead on the scene. However, at 1pm, EMS called and said they would be there in 15 minutes. We gowned up and organized ourselves.

As the trauma elevators opened, the smell of charred flesh filled the corridor. We listened intently as the paramedics gave us report. Turns out the patient had been identified by neighbors and was not 60 years old, but rather in her late 20's. The dead person at the scene was her mother. To make matters worse, the patient had Cerebral Palsy (CP) , an uncontrolled seizure disorder, and the cognitive function of a middle schooler. Her mother was her primary caretaker. It's always hard to deal with breaking the news of loved one's death, but when there is a cognitive delay and/or deficit it's even harder. Thankfully, as crass it it sounds, this patient was unconscious and we didn't need to tell her yet.

Upon arrival her vital signs were stable, but she quickly decompensated. We placed an arterial line to monitor her blood pressure, a central line with cordis for venous access, and a SWAN to monitor her hemodyamic stability. Her blood pressures plummeted, despite liters of fluid. Her oxygenation dropped due to an inhalation injury. She was cold, 34.0 Celsius, despite fluid warmers, a heat shield, and a bair hugger. Her coags were out of control, INR = 2.6, and we were pretty sure she was in DIC. We lost pulses in her bilateral upper extremities and performed escharotomies at the bedside. She became anuric (stopped making urine), her bladder pressure soared to 35, and we opened up her belly at the bedside.

The first 24 hours were tenuous. Administer blood products- give fluids- check labs, check ABG's-adjust the ventilator. We were fighting a loosing battle. We were able to contact the family, maternal aunt, uncle, cousins, etc. They sat vigil at the bedside, but knew were this was going. They made the patient DNR. Many people not in the health care field are scared of DNR's. They think that's the equivalent of "puling the plug" or removing life support, but they are wrong. DNR- on a already intubated patient, simply means that if the heart should stop, no CPR would be given.

By Saturday afternoon, the patients' prognosis was dismal at best. Given her % burn, her lung injury, her preexisting conditions, and hemodynamic status her survival rate was less than one percent. The family listened as the doctors and nurses talked. When I came on shift that night, the aunt pulled me aside and said, "It's not good, is it? I just want her to be comfortable. She wouldn't want to live like this..."

I hate these moments. I looked at her and said, "She's sick, very sick. Even if she were to survive the next day or so, she'll never be the same. She has no skin and will likely develop an infection. We don't know how much damage her brain suffered when she was unconscious at the scene. She is currently maxed out on medications to sustain her blood pressure. We have no other options."

And then she made the toughest decision of her life. She decided that she wanted to withdraw care. However, it was not quite that simple. She wasn't the patient's health care proxy, so we needed to have two attending physicians write notes of medical futility and get approval from the administrator on call. There was nothing we could do but wait. Until that paper was approved, signed, and placed in the chart, we had to keep treating her. Around 5:30 am as the sun was rising and the sunlight was streaming into her room, her heart rate slowly began to drop; her blood pressure soon followed. When she didn't respond to any medication, a few of us nurses went in and sat with the patient at her bedside. She had no family there, but we talked to her offering words of comfort. We told her it was okay to go, that her mom was waiting for her. We talked, and talked, and talked. I swear she heard us. At 6:05 am she passed away.

As hard as it is to see someone so young die, it's even harder to think about ethics behind medical futility .

A Bond Unbroken

We are both female.
We both have blue eyes and brown hair.
We have the same parents.
We grew up under the same roof.
We went to the same high school.
We both love dogs.
The similarities end there.

I'm the serene intellectual; she's the social know-it-all.
She's the jock; I'm the recreational athlete.
I'm a planner, she's spontaneous.
She thrives on chaos;I like cleanliness and order.
I'm an endorphin junkie; she likes her sleep.
She'll hold her ground and never back down;I hate conflict.


I've always been fascinated at the differences between my sister and I. Same sex siblings tend to fall into one of two categories: best friends or arch enemies. My sister and I are neither. We grew up differently, and we have a unique relationship.

I'm seven years older than her. I was in first grade when she was born. By the time she was in first grade, I was in Junior High. When my college friends hosted their siblings for the weekend, I stood by and watched- my heart aching that my sister couldn't be there too. Twelve year old + fraternity party+ alcohol+ boys= lawsuit waiting to happen.

My friends would always ask what it was like to have a sister so much younger than myself, but I never knew anything different. We didn't have much in common; we weren't into the same things. We existed in different worlds. She was playing dress up and I was going to formals. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death, but I always felt more like a mom than a sister to her. But then something happened- I didn't come home from college in between my junior and Senior year. And suddenly, our relationship changed.

She called me one Thursday afternoon in late June. She was giddy with excitement. "Kel. I think he likes me! He told J, who told A, who told me! Isn't that cool?" My heart melted. Her first crush. And she called me. Instantly, she grew up. She was no longer that little girl, she was a teenager. Despite our separation that summer, our relationship grew. We talked on the phone, she became my friend on facebook (yeah, that was weird), she asked me advice, etc.

That September she started high school. I vividly remember talking to her on the phone the night before school started and telling her that it would all work out. She wouldn't be late to class, she wouldn't get shoved into a locker, and she wouldn't sit alone in the cafeteria. I recalled my first day of high school and I remembered her sitting in the living room bay window waving as I walked down the driveway. Suddenly, my heart ached and I realized that I wouldn't be there to see her off.

When I was in high school, I used to go to all her soccer games. I enjoyed spending a few hours each weekend at the soccer fields watching her evolve from a amateur to jock; however, I only made one of her JV soccer games freshman year. The weekend that I graduated was the weekend of her Freshman Dinner Dance. She skipped the after party so my family could dive down to Philly fr my graduation festivities.

She turned sixteen that September. I had to work. I missed Christmas that December. I had to work. She called to tell me that it didn't feel Christmas without me. I wasn't there to hold her hand as we walked the steps to see what "Santa" left us. I wasn't there to sit next to her at church and giggle as the cantor reached a note that would break glass. I started to cry. Although I made it home the next day to celebrate, it wasn't the same. I thought she would be okay without me on a holiday (I hadn't been home for Easter in four years), but I was wrong.

Over the next two years, we grew closer and closer. The age gap seemed to narrow and although i still harbored motherly feelings, I felt more and more like a sister. I gave advice, I spoke from experience, I didn't judge. The first time she came to visit me in New York, without my parents, I showed her city life. She told me that she felt "so grown up", I told her, "Because you are."

Tonight is her first prom and no I won't be there. The date was changed, no one informed me, and I couldn't get the night off. I want her to know that I don't value my job more than my relationship with her. I want her to know that there's a piece of my heart there with her tonight, as always. We may be separated by distance, but the love is there and stronger than ever.

Colleen- You've become such a smart, wonderful, loving young woman...I'm so proud to call you my sister. I love you.

Out With The Old

I've got spring fever. I'm cleaning out closets, organizing cabinets, and rearranging, obsessively. You all know about the ugly couch, aka "The Pink Panther" .... And yes, unfortunately, it's still with us.


Despite numerous hours spent searching for the perfect chocolate leather sofa and matching love seat, I haven't found "the one." I'm skeptical to buy something online, because I want to be give it the "but test" before purchasing. Also, because my roommate and I are both short, we don't want any furniture that when we sit down , our feet won't touch the floor.

This past weekend, Memorial Day sales GALORE, would have been the perfect time to purchase furniture; however, A was out of town and she didn't trust me I didn't want to make the decision myself. So what did I do instead? I redid our bathroom. It went from a sleek and modern black and white powder room to a page out of the Pottery Barn catalog. Yes, I know that store is overpriced and I could buy knock offs at Tarzhay, but the Manhattanite in me took over. I bought a shower curtain, towels, rugs, baskets, and decorative soaps. Yes, you read that correctly- decorative soaps. Ahh, what was I thinking?

Although redoing the bathroom was fun, if not a drain on my wallet, I just need to buy a couch. It will be much cheaper than redoing every other room in the aparment to compensate for the ugly "Pink Panther."

Any suggestions on buying furniture??

Four Foods-Memorial Day Edition

It's been way too long since I last played! But with summer coming, I'm hoping to get back on track! If you want to play FFoF, go here!

#1. Do you celebrate Memorial Day with a picnic, cookout, road trip or some other way?
Growing up, we always went to our neighbors house for a pool party and cookout. But as of late, I'm usually working. Exciting, right? haha.

#2. What are staples at your summer time cookouts?
Big watermelon slices and icy cold beer.

#3. What drink do you find most refreshing on a hot summer day?
Ice cold water with fresh lemon slices.

#4. Share a recipe for a picnic side dish.
Chocolate Covered Strawberries
Ingredients
4 ounces (about 3/4 cup) Chocolate Chips- I like to do 1/2 white and 1/2 semi-sweet
12 strawberries

Method
Line a plate with wax paper or parchment. Place chocolate chips in a glass bowl or measuring cup and microwave on high, 1 to 2 minutes, or until melted and very smooth, stopping to stir about every 20 seconds. One at a time, dip strawberries into melted chocolate and place on the prepared plate. Refrigerate about 10 minutes to harden. Store covered and refrigerated up to 1 day.
To pack: place in flat bottom container with fat lid r and place a bag of ice on top and below)

Changes

Dear loyal readers few people who follow this blog-

Please excuse the lack of posts lately, life's been happening. Guess I'll catch you up on what's been going on.
1. Grad School
I'm going to Columbia! Classes start the end of August.

2. Work
I'm going to full time days starting June 21st! Two years of hell, holy hell nights will finally be over.
I'm going to stay working full time while I go to school. I'm banking all my vacation and holiday time to use September through December. It works out that I'll get paid for a full time work week, but only actually working part-time. The way I see it, my life won't suck any more than it has the past two years.

3. Vacations
I'm joining the family in Aruba for six days. Because I have no vacation time to use, I will be working the four days prior and three days after. Oh well, it will be worth it to get rid f this pasty white goodness otherwise known as my skin.

4. Dating
I'm still single. Dating still sucks in NYC. Please send any intellectual, tall, dark, and handsome men with a great sense of humor remotely good looking men my way.

5. Health
I'm still chronically exhausted but I found out that I'm quite anemic. My TIBC (total iron binding capacity) is very elevated compared to my actual iron level indicating that my body isn't properly utilizing/absorbing the iron. Now I'm taking iron pills. Hello constipation! Sorry if thats TMI. But it's all worth it, if it will boost my energy.
Regarding my fractured pelvis, I've had no further complications (knock on wood). I won't have another bone scan until next year, but I've finally gotten back to running just about year since my injury. After a five month wait, I saw the endocrinologist and found out that my vitamin D level is low. Now I'm taking additional vitamin D pills.
Yes, I've turned into the vitamin popping princess.

I'm sure that a lot more has transpired over the last month, but those are the highlights.
Thanks for checking in!!!

i've heard it all

No big surprise, our ICU census was full last night- all 20 beds occupied. Our step-down unit was only 3/4 full- 15 beds occupied. So when we got the EMS phone call at 3 am that we were getting three smoke inhalations, guess what?!?!, our three "stable" ICU patients (non vented/demented/etc) needed to head to the step-down unit.

Our prospcects were grim..
- two vneted patients over the age of 90
-two patients on CCVHD, also vented-duh!
-one fresh 30% degloving injury with history of dementia
-one 60% deglving injury, vented, in DIC
-new purpura syndrome admission with GI bleed
-fresh post op of STSG to bilateral legs on heparin gtt for a PE
-fresh extubation with signs of anoxic brain injury from initial carboxy hemoglobin > 50
-quadriplegic wound management patient with a 12% ejection fraction (systolic heart failure, ya think?!?!?)
-etc, etc,


And just who were the lucky three???

1. Thitry something year old man who refused to leave his room stating that it was Passover and that he had hired a cleaning service to come in and purify the room and it's air. Nope, under no circumstance would he leave his room to be sent to a "dirty and unholy hell hole" -direct quote.

2. Middle aged man with severe MR that likes to streak in the hallways and jump up and down naked when moaning and screaming when we do his burn care. Oh yeah, you can forget going near him with a needle for labs, let alone for IV placement...too bad he is going to the OR today for surgery.

3. Older woman with extensive history of ETOH, only 6 hours past the threshold for severe DT's. Did I mention she's obese and refuses to wear bipap so she essentially goes apnec every two minutes.

So glad that shift is over! Never a dull moment.

update

Update on this post....

The dumb shit resident that I saw never called back with my lab results. I got annoyed after trying to call her back for a week and just looked them up myself. Maybe I wasn't supposed to do that? eh, oh well.

Called 11 times to get an appointment with an attending: hold, transfer, hold, hold, ANSWER, nope transfer, click.......fuck!

Called on the 12th time this past Friday from work in the same hospital where the practice is located:
One ring....
Secretary: Hello? what department are you calling from? What can I do for you?

Me: Hi this is Nurse Miss Kelly from the burn unit, I'm a former patient of Dr. W's, I need to make an appointment with Dr. C?

Secretary: Oh do you work here in the hospital?

Me: Umm, yes?

Secretary: Marvelous. How's this Tuesday at 10:30am?

Me: Seriously? That's great.

Secretary: Would you like us to call you if we can an earlier cancellation?

Me: I'd love that! (thinking am I dreaming?)

Secretary: Okay, I can reach you at this number?

Me: Actually my cell is better xxx-xxx-xxxx. thanks.

Secretary: Oh, okay. Well then I'll note that. Bye bye.

lesson learned: make an internal phone call, work the system!

FFoF #72

#1. Suggest a question for FFOF. Something fun is in store for the one whose question is chosen.
What is your favorite memory associated with the smell of a certain food? As in, you smell it, close your eyes and are instantly drawn back to a magical moment in time....

#2. Share instructions on how to make your favorite smoothee or shake.
Breakfast in a Glass~my banana mango smoothie

2 frozen, ripe bananas (freeze WITHOUT the peel!!)
1 mango, peeled and sliced
1 cup orange juice (any kind will do- I prefer tropicana light plus calcium or fresh squuezed)
1 cup fat free vanilla yogurt
*1 tsp of vaniila extract and a dash of cinamon can be added to enhance the flavors*

Cut banana into chunks. In a blender, combine all ingredients and blend until smooth.
If the smoothie is too thick, thin with a little more orange juice. Pour into 4 glasses.

#3. What’s in your favorite panini?
Eggplant, portabella, zucchini, roasted red pepper, and goat cheese

image

#4. Share a recipe for potato salad.
For all those of us who aren't big on mayo!
Roasted New Potato Salad
Ingredients
2 pounds new potatoes, cut into chunks
6 tablespoons plus 1 teaspoon extra virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste
1/4 pound green beans, stemmed and sliced
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
1/2 cup basil
1 garlic clove, finely chopped
2 medium tomatoes, chopped
1 cup salad greens
12 pitted Kalamata olives

Method
Preheat oven to 400°F. Toss potatoes with 1 teaspoon of the oil, salt and pepper and transfer to a roasting pan. Cover and roast until tender, 35 to 40 minutes. Set aside to let cool.

Meanwhile, bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add green beans and cook until just tender, 3 to 4 minutes. Rinse in cold water and set aside.

Put vinegar, remaining 6 tablespoons oil, basil, salt, and garlic into a blender and purée until smooth to make a vinaigrette. Toss potatoes, beans, tomatoes with vinaigrette together in a large bowl, then spoon mixture onto a plate arranged with salad greens. Garnish with olives and serve.

tah dah!

I must make this quick, I'm on my way to work (night 4 of 5), but I just got the final word.....

Grad School Acceptance:
YALE: yes
HARVARD: yes
COLUMBIA: yes
EMORY: yes

Now onto the million dollar question: Where do I want to go?

Four Foods 69

#1. Olive oil. What kind do you prefer to use?
Extra Virgin. I don't use much oil., so I splurge and buy the expensive aged stuff. You use less, when it's more flavorful!

#2. Meatballs. Do you make them from scratch, buy premade cooked or buy premade frozen?
I make meatballs from scratch for others and use frozen "meat-less ball" for myself

#3. Do you use napkins at home? Paper or cloth?
I use papertowels. I know, please don't send the green police after me.

#4. Share a recipe for a white sauce.
Heat 3 TB milk in a saucepan, add 8 oz of cream cheese. Stir, stir, stir, add seasonings to taste, stir, stir, stir. As soon as smooth, turn heat down to lowest setting.
*add in seasoned and cooked chicken or fish
* toss with pasta

Go here to join in on this meme.

A Little Appetizer

Looking through my refrigerator and cabinets with only thirty minutes until my friends arrived, here's what I came up with!

Goat Cheese Stuffed Dates with Rosemary Balsamic Reduction

50 Large Dried Organic Pitted Dates

4 oz Goat Cheese, room temperature

2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 tablespoons minced shallots
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 cup balsamic vinegar
1 large or 2 small rosemary sprigs

Reduction
Set a 1-quart saucepan over medium heat and add the remaining 1 1/2 teaspoons of olive oil. Once the oil is hot, add the shallots to the pan and sweat until translucent, about 1 minute. Add the garlic to the pan and sweat for 30 seconds. Pour the balsamic vinegar into the pan and bring to a boil. Add the rosemary and allow the balsamic to gently boil and reduce until only about 1/4 cup of balsamic remains, about 10 minutes. Season with 1 teaspoon of salt and 1/2 teaspoon of black pepper. Remove from the heat. Remove the rosemary sprigs before using.

Assembly
-Place dates on large platter or cookie sheet.
-Fill a medium size tipped pastry bag with soft goat cheese.
-Place tip of bag into each date and fill until goat cheese starts to peek through the other end of the date.
-Once all dates are filled, lightly drizzle balsamic reduction over the top.
*tip: use a large spoon to easily drizzle the reduction.

I Dream Of....

School?

I had the strangest dream last night. I found myself running across the junior high school parking lot frantic that I'd be late for the first day of my senior year,, only to reach the sidewalk as the homeroom bell rang. I walked into the school, up to the office window and said, "I'm sorry I'm late, I was picking up my parents at the airport. Can they send in a note later?" I think the office clerk mumbled something about needing it now. Next thing I know I'm wandering the hall of the junior high looking for room 3005. When I finally find it, its filled with kids from my graduating class, and they are starring at me. Matt came up to me and said, "Yeah, you freaked us out in high school and that's why we wanted to ruin your prom." Before I could open my mouth, our elementary school librarian was handing out locks and schedules telling us that our lockers would be located here in the Junior high, but that all of our classes would be at the actual high school. Right because that makes so much sense..... Before I could retort such an insane proposal, I found myself amidst w whirlwind of people in a multilevel maze trying to navigate my way to my classes. I walked into the library and cut through to the gym only to find that I had no gym clothes. Then I was sitting in math class realizing that I hadn't been to a math class in over a semester and I freaked out. I asked to be transferred to another class, but my teacher only spanked my hand with a ruler and said get out and go back to community college. Then I was sitting in the principals office and he told me that he was disappointed in my choice to be fifth in my graduating class, he said I'd never go anywhere in life...

And then I woke up.

I think the anxiety of waiting for schools is killing me.

Dear Nurse Miss Kelly

If you aren't in the mood to read a rant, than I suggest you file this post under "to be read at a later date."

I work in healthcare. I'm going to graduate school for public health. I understand the healthcare crisis. I have money taken out of my paycheck every cycle to pay for my health insurance. I don't have complex medical issues. SO WHY CAN'T I GET A DOCTORS APPOINTMENT?!?!?!?!

Last year I found a GREAT internist/gynecologist. I also found a great dermatologist. After much angst I did find a dentist, but after my visit, I decided that I wouldn't be going back there ever again. In December, amongst holiday cards and holiday bills, I get a letter from the dermatologist:

Dear Nurse Miss Kelly,

It is with deep regret that we tell you that as of Jan. 1, 2009 Dr. N will no longer be with the practice. She has decided to relocate to Florida. Please call xxx-xxx-xxxx to book an appointment with the doctor who will be taking over her patient load.

Noted. Due for my annual checkup at the end of January, I called to book an appointment "with the doctor who will be taking over her patient load." What does the secretary tell me? Our conversation went something like this:

"Hi. This is Nurse Miss Kelly. I'm a patient of Dr. N's. I'm aware that she has left the practice, so I was hoping to book an appointment with whoever took over her patient load."

"Oh, well you see, you are going to have to wait. It's a four month wait to be seen as a new patient."

"But I'm not a new patient, I've been to the office before! I have records there. I just need to change doctors."

"Yes. But you are new to the replacement doctor and she will need to do a workup. What do you need an appointment for?"

"Just my annual skin check. I'm sorry, I'm confused. All patients of a doctor who left must now wait to be seen as new patients?"

"Correct. You can be seen in four months. How does April 29th sound?"

I concluded our call with, "Let me check my schedule and I'll call you back."


I was pissed. Not only did that not make any sense, but also this lady was clearly very misinformed. What did I do? First I looked to see the names of the other physicians in the practice to book an appointment with them. Then I called back, spoke with a muffled voice, what if the same wacko picked up, and booked an appointment with another doctor. Yes the wait was two months, but that was much more reasonable.

Crisis averted.

Not even two days later, I get another letter in the mail.

Dear Nurse Miss Kelly:

As of January 1, 2009, Dr. JW will be leaving WCIMA and joining a private practice. She will continue to admit her patients to xx hospital. Dr. PC will join WCIMA in February 2009 and will be responsible for your care. It is expected that she will participate in the same insurance plans that Dr. JW has participated in. Please contact us at xxx-xxx-xxxx to arrange to see our new physician.
If you wish to continue your care with Dr. JW here information is listed below..


Great, I'll call and book an appointment with her new practice. I mean, I never thought that she wouldn't take my insurance, after al it's expensive to be in private practice, so the more patients the merrier, right? WRONG.

Since I fractured my pelvis last summer, my lifestyle has been chaotic, at best. I broke up with a boyfriend, was studying for the GRE's, worked ALL the holidays, had a fight with my best friend, applied to grad school, etc. Through it all, I continue to work nights, sleeping less than four hours a night. My energy levels have bottomed out. It takes all my will power to get out of bed. I have no stamina and my workouts, once my sanity saver and favorite pastime, are awful and I hate the thought of the gym. My runs have dwindled down to nothing. I haven't run in over three weeks.

I've continued to eat my vegetarian, almost vegan diet and be very conscious of what and how much food I put in my body. So I was concerned that I started gaining weight and more and some more. I don't weigh myself, I go by how my clothes fit, but I'd estimate that I've gained 15 pounds since I graduated from college. And that freaks me the hell out!

Recently, I've began having some other symptoms:
-dry scalp and skin
-swelling of the hands and face
-gas and bloating
-thinning hair
-increased exhaustion

When I woke up the other morning and my hands were so swollen I couldn't get my rings off, and I also didn’t fit into any of my pants, I knew I had to go to the doctor. Something isn't right.


I pulled the letter out of my files and dialed the number of my old doctors new private practice. After explaining that I had been a former patient of Dr. JW's, I asked the secretary if she was taking my insurance plan.
"Um, No. I'm sorry. She's not accepting any managed care. But she will gladly see you for a physical. Would you like to come in today?"

"Hmm, well. How much is a physical? I would like to continue my care with her if possible."

"A physical would be $1000. And lab work is about $400."
I cough and scoop my jaw off the floor

"I think I'll pass. Thanks though."

No way in hell was I going to pay $1400 out-of-pocket when I have insurance! Guess I'll call the old office. After being hung up on twice, transferred twice, and then on hold for 15 minutes I finally managed to speak with someone. I told her that I needed to make an appointment with Dr. PC. And then, like something out of a sitcom, she tells me, "Well. Right now we don't have a doctor covering. Dr. PC's joining the practice has been delayed, twice. In the meantime you can be seen by a resident until we get an attending on staff."

A resident? A resident?!?! No way, lady. I get that this is a teaching hospital, and I'm all about higher learning, but this is serious. It's my health we are talking about and I want an attending!

Frustrated beyond belief, I agreed to see a resident at 2:30 that day; nevertheless, I did insist on the name of the resident's attending to have for reference.

Two hours and four vials of blood later, I walked out.

Hopefully they can figure out what's wrong with me.

Hopefully I can figure out what's wrong with our healthcare system.

Four Foods- Salty!

Another week of late posting. Bad me! Check out everyone else's timely posts here.

#1. Potato chips. Flavored? Regular, ridged or stacked?
Baked, anyway they come.

#2. Cheese doodles. Yellow or white? Puffed or crunchy?
Pirate Booty, so white and puffy.

#3. Pretzels? Your favorite shape? Favorite flavor?
Honey Wheat Rods

#4. Share a recipe for salsa or dip.

Chipotle Chickpea Dip

1 large clove garlic, peeled
15 ounces (1 1/2 cups) chickpeas, drained and liquid reserved
2 tbsp. lime juice
1/2-1 tbsp. chopped canned chipotle peppers (adjust according to how spicy you like it)
1 tbsp. chopped red onion
1 tbsp. tomato paste
1/4 tsp. chili powder
1/4 tsp. cumin
salt to taste
more red onion for garnish

With the food processor running, drop in the garlic and process until chopped. Add the chickpeas and lime juice and begin processing. If it's too dry, add 1-2 tablespoons of cooking liquid from chickpeas or, if you're using canned, just use water. Add the remaining ingredients and process until smooth. Adjust salt to taste. Serve garnished with chopped red onions.

Oops

I must admit, I enjoyed a glorious four days/nights off. I did laundry, polished china, cleaned out my closet, filed for financial aid for grad school, caught up on t.v. (oh how I <3 DVR!), and slept. However, yesterday was a blah weather day. Gray skies, cold and windy, with bouts of sleetish (sleetesque?) precipitation and I had a headache. I took a power nap before leaving for work, but my head was still a pounding.

I'm not one to take much medicine, so my "medicine" cabinet is mostly hairproducts, toothpaste, and only two bottles of pills-Tylenol and Tylenol PM. After my powernap, I rushed into the bathroom to grab something to kick my headache before what was sure to be a busy night at work.

I popped open the bottle, grabbed two pills and swallowed them with my water. As I was putting the bottle back in the cabinet I froze... "Tylenol PM". Uh, oh.
Not really sure what to do (I've never been very good at making myself throw up), I sighed, walked out of my apartment, and walked into the first coffee shop I passed on my way to work

6:45 pm......triple shot of espresso
I'm going to tell you all something now, a valuable lesson if you will, espresso does not negate the effects of Tylenol PM.

8:30pm.....cup of coffee from the overpriced starbucks in the hospital lobby

9:30pm.....2 cups of green tea

10:30pm....bottle of diet pepsi (uck, I haven't drank soda in over 2 years!)

11:30pm....diet red bull (man, that stuff is gross)

12:30pm....at this point in the night, my bladder is ready to explode, my heart is racing, and my eyes are so heavy that I need life preservers to keep them open!

With each hour that passed at work, my eyes got heavier and heavier. Thank God my patient was sick and VERY busy becuse if I had one moment to sit down, I would have been out cold.

Waiting on His Steps

A moment.
A bad accident.
A very tragic injury.
A young life changed forever.
A broken family grasping for hope.

But what can we do for them?
Will faith conquer impending death?
Does modern medicine prevail?
Believe in God?
They do.

To trust.
They must believe.
We will try everything.
It is a long road.
One that many do not survive.

But they sit at bedside vigil.
And sing against the tune
Of the musical alarms.
She will live.
They pray.

We hope.
Our actions suffice
And instincts are wrong
But fear lingers ever present.
Each day brings a new change.

But no more can be done.
We join in their prayer.
Medicine is not God.
We know this.
Trust him.

-KS 2009
I'm not an overly religious person, but lately I've been rocked back into my faith. Life is precious.