Thursday, November 01, 2007

Come Out Come Out…Wherever You Are

In a city where approximately 1 million people live, how is it possible that I cannot find a boyfriend??? Yes, I have my quirks (don’t we all), but I would like to think that somewhere, in this vast city, there is someone for me and that I’m not a total reject.

At a carnival a few years back, I got my palms read. The lady told me, “Ahhh yes, I see power. And someday, you will meet who you don’t intimidate”

Great lady, I paid $5 bucks for the cheap, fortune cookie knockoff answer?!?!

Alas, is an Ivy league education and down and dirty job preventing me from finding Mr. Right??

Here is what I do know…I have some (but not many) standards

1. Sense of humor
(when the going gets tough, sometimes all you can do is laugh)

2. Nice shoes and tasteful clothing
(yes ladies and gentleman, I want a boy who knows what DRESS shoes are, sneakers don’t cut it for formal events!)
**I can justify this standard because in college:
1) I took A to semi formal sophomore year. He worse a suit from the
salvation army, 2 sizes too small, 4 inches too short, 3 decades out of
style, 3 different textures, and the worst moth ball stench ever! Oh
yeah, he was wearing dirty white sneakers

2) I took K to formal sophomore year; he wore dirty black cross trainers

3) I took R to formal junior year and he wore sandals

3. He must be nice to his mom (but not in the creepy D.H. Lawrence Son’s and Lover’s kind of way)

Seriously people, is this too much to ask for? Apparently it is. When I was talking to one of the residents the other day, he asked me WHY I was single (okay, awkward…I’m a reject?!?!?!), I told him my criteria. He then looked at me point blank and said, “Well Kel, you just eliminated 2/3 of the male species and of the remaining 1/3, 90% of those left are gay.

Great, I’m looking for gay man, maybe that’s where I’m going wrong.

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