Monday, May 28, 2007


Because our fitness center was closed today, I went and used the facilities down the street. I used to be a member, so I only had to pay a nominal fee. Looking back on my membership there, I realize what it was about that place that just didn't rub me the right way. Aside from the fact that both the weights, and cardio equipment rooms overlooked busting Walnut Street, there is just too much testosterone in that place. Don’t get me wrong, its a great place, but not quite as private as my usually fitness facility.
Funny things that occur at this place:
1. People pick their wedgies while on the cardio equipment...forgetting that all traffic and pedestrian on Walnut Street have just beared (is this a word) witness to the event
2. People taking Pilates or yoga engage in downward dog, or squats with their rears facing the street (it was quite a sight with all the people joining to kick off the new year in January)
3. The boys who are more vain that the evil queen in snow white...."Mirror mirror on the wall.....who has the biggest biceps of them all??"
4. The facilities men who (while working) have been known to put down the tools, brooms, etc and engage in a workout. hey, I've got no problem with you working out, but can you not place the drill in the middle of the floor where I'm going to trip on it (when I'm in the work out zone, I'm like in auto pilot).

So here are my final thoughts on gym etiquette:

1) Please, no growling or yelling when you lift. sound like you are defecating barbells.

2) Remember the Seinfeld when George empties his bladder in the shower? Do not be a George.

3) Ladies, do not be a li'l Kim. If we can see your nipples than your shirt is inappropriate.

4) Guys, do not be a Fabio.

5) keep dumbbells and other free weights in your hands or on the racks. Dropping dumbbells doesn't make you look cool and you are going to give the old lady on the stationary bike a heart attack.

6) Remember to wipe your sweat from the machines you use. They are YOUR bodily fluids and no one else wants to bathe in them

7) Talking on your cell phone at the gym...when there is a line 10 people deep to get on a treadmill, is it really necessary to waddle along, gabbing away? Honestly, none of us are there to listen you what you need to pick up dinner, who you slept with last night, or just how much you want to get that new Coach purse.
It's the gym people. Take your 60 minutes as a break from technology-really, nothing that interesting will happen while you widdle your waist, build your bones, and clear your mind. IF you are using a treadmill, at a speed less than 6 mph, you aren't working out, you are wasting space.

1 comment:

Anjali said...

For the rest of my life, I will hereby find every place possible to insert the term "defecating barbells" into conversation. It's priceless.