Saturday, December 16, 2006


Hello dear friends. Despite your notion that I have left Philly to return to Beantown, I have not. Instead I have spent the last 1 1/2 weeks as stand-in mommy/grandma/nanny/child protector/babysitter/child bitch~servant.
To the money gods, AMEN! You have replenished my bank account with a surplus (no less!).
To the sanity gods, anti-amen (if that's a word).

I would love to share some of the comical tales of woe that I have lately endured.

I'm not sure the best way to break this down: by family? by day? by scenario? I guess we can go by family and then that will lead to the scenarios. Just let me preface all of these stories by saying that I love these children dearly, and I hold no grudges for their actions (I am thankful however, for these past 2 weeks have given a heightened importance of necessity of the almighty birth control)

The boys- R (3) and J (15 months).
1. R precedes to insist on helping with the laundry, including pouring the detergent "in" (and by that I mean, unscrewing the cap, turning the container of Tide upside down, spilling the contents all of the floor, rubbing his hands in the soapy blue mess, wiping his eyes with his soapy hands, screaming at the top of his lungs that the soap "ittssssss stiiiiinnnngggg--ennnn--innnggg". No shit! Damage control. Have you ever tried to an eye wash on a 3 year? Well don't bother, despite my $200,000 nursing education, I still failed miserably at the task. Instead I sprayed his eyes with the faucet in the kitchen sink.
2. J eating the dogs food out of the dish and barking back at the dog when the dog tried to claim its territory.
3. R feeding J his pizza that the dog had already licked, J peeling the cheese off and throwing it. In an attempt to save dinner, J was given a bowl of spaghetti, of which he took the individual strands of angel hair pasta and giggled as he dropped them onto the dogs head. The dog (confused by the falling food), starting to bark and chase her tail, who knocked R over as he hopped out of his chair to chase her, who then proceeded to pick the spaghetti off the dog-now laden with dog hair, and eat it.
4. Bath time: Two boys, 1 bath tub, 1 babysitter, 1 bottle of Johnson & Johnson shampoo, 1 cup to wash the hair= R getting mad that J splashed him, hitting Joe over the head with the shampoo bottle, which squirted out at me and landed on my chest and Ryan saying "Oh no Miss Kelly, you need water", followed by the action (before I could even speak) of him dumping the cup of water down the front of my chest
5. The chocolate milk: lets just say that a confusion of two sippy cups (both green with yellow covers-what are the odds with the multiude of combinations of colors) with the cup of old chocolate milk that must have rolled under the couch with the freshly poured one for lunch.......Oh yes, we had a cup of chocolate cottage cheese..yum?!?!

the girls: M (5), L (2)
1. M's 45 minute temper tantrum because she was only allowed a 1/2 of the jumbo pita (after she had already wasted her sandwitch, slice of banana bread, cup of milk, apple. and banana). I'm pretty sure she told me that, "You are the most annoyingist baby watcher and I am going to tell Santa Claus and then I am not going to invite you to my party on my birthday!" (mind you, I just hosted her birthday party 3 weeks ago) and for the record, she didn't even eat the 1/2 of pita instead she instead that it was "grainy" (isn't that what whole wheat is???). However, on a better note, she gave me a hug when I left at the end of the day
2. L getting mad at M at Burger King because she dipped her fries in L's ketchup cup and then proceeding to dump her cup of water on M's sandwitch, that M picked up and threw across the table that landed on my lap (oh yes, I love a ketchup and mustard covered crotch! Bonus to the Burger King escapade the snide remark from the lady behind the counter about the "young mother" not being able to control her kids...GIVE ME AN F'ING BREAK LADY! YOU WORK AT Burger King, THE KIDS AREN'T MINE, AND THERE WERE NO YELLS, SCREAMS, OR TANTRUMS IN PUBLIC.
3. L taking the magic markers and "make-up ing" herself.....think drag queen gone WAY bad. Oh well, thank god for washable markers.
4. M telling me that she didn't like the way my hair looked (in a pony tail) and that I needed to take lessons from her mom about how to "do hair".....funny though, because she insisted that I braid hers before I left.

Okay, so those are just some of the highlights. Maybe to appreciate them you needed to be there, but in any event..that is what I have been up to. Now Tomorrow is the real departure back to Beantown.

Stay tuned....Christmas with the Sessler's is always entertaining.

1 comment:

cali.steph said...

HAHAHA... got some laughs in the middle of my paper-writing procrastation :-D